


Sincerely Three

by Taeyeong (heybarackitsmejacques), TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman



Series: Sincerely Three [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Chatting & Messaging, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Depression, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecurity, It gets really gay, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Oops, Other, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Texting, This is trash, Trans Character, Trans Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Triggers, Verbal Abuse, but we dont get to that in this story, connor is masculine adrongynous, dfab connor, dont worry we fuckin hate larry too, evan is a sassy boi, every time they tell ev to calm down i take a shot, i cried while uploading the last chp -jared, jaredkleinmanwashereheheheh, plz share this we worked really hard, sincerely three, sorry if you hate the ending, sue us, there is technically a larry & redemption arc, this is only part one fellas be prepared, this is sincerely three sue me, yes this ends soon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-11-06 02:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 19,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11026593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heybarackitsmejacques/pseuds/Taeyeong, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman/pseuds/TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman
Summary: A group chat containing Jared Kleinman, Connor Murphy, and Evan Hansen, and the stuff that happens in between.*this story is in Connor's POV unless stated otherwise*ALSO this story is cowritten with two of my friends! One is my friend Alexia, and the other just got their AO3 account (TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman)!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be updated every Monday and Friday! Thank you!  
> *EDIT*: As of 17 July, 2017, this story will be updated only on Mondays! We apologise for this, but we want our writing to be at its best, and rushing between two update periods was cutting it close. Thanks for understanding!

_Unknown Number has added you to a group chat._

_Unknown Number has named the conversation "Sincerely Three"._

**Unknown Number:** HEY HOMOS

_Connor Murphy has logged on_

**Weed Boy:** jared...

 **Unknown Number:** YOU GUESSED IT

 **Weed Boy:** why

 **Insecure Freak:** bc

 **Weed Boy:** how did you even get my number??

 **Insecure Freak:** my sugar daddy has connections

 **Weed Boy:** for the love of god

 **Weed Boy:** no

 **Insecure Freak:** its true

 **Insecure Freak:** ask him yourself

 **Weed Boy:** where is evan?

 **Insecure Freak:** in my ass

 **Weed Boy:** sTOP

 **Insecure Freak:** nah i dont think i wanna

 **Weed Boy:** I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE KLEINMAN

 **Insecure Freak:** yeah you do

 **Weed Boy:** I ALREADY HEAR ENOUGH ABOUT ZOE AND ALANA'S THANKS

 **Insecure Freak:** why do you watch my pornhubs then

 **Weed Boy:** jared kleinman you little bitch

 **Weed Boy:** but seriously where is evan?

 **Insecure Freak:** probably crying to a tree and such

 **Insecure Freak:** you know, the usual saturday night routine

 **Weed Boy:** oh my god hes your only friend do you have to talk shit about him

 **Insecure Freak:** yes

 **Weed Boy:** .. wow

 **Insecure Freak:** he's a little bitch

 **Insecure Freak:** we're only family friends god dude he's so clingy

 **Insecure Freak:** whoops forgot he was in this gc lmao sorry acorn

 **Weed Boy:** oh my god jared youre such an asshole to this kid

 **Insecure Freak:** all in the works

 **Acorn:** Um, Jared...? Who's the other number?

 **Insecure Freak:** your bf or whatever

 **Weed Boy:** uhm im not his boyfriend

 **Weed Boy:** this is connor evan

 **Acorn:** Oh, hi, Connor. 

 **Insecure Freak:** really? you arent? bc i thought i heard moaning from evans room the other night

 **Acorn:** U-Uhh...

 **Weed Boy:** SHUT UP JARED JESUS CHRIST

 **Insecure Freak:** ugh fuck you both why did i make this gc 

 **Acorn:** Uh, why am I here?

 **Weed Boy:** idk ask the asswipe- oh sorry jared

 **Insecure Freak:** fuck you guys i just wanted to be friends and you both ruined it you guys are such assholes lmao perfect for each other just fuck already

 **Weed Boy:** oh my god jared stop evan is not an asshole!

 **Weed Boy:** god youre such a freak! 

 **Insecure Freak:** stop telling me to stop its just a joke god take it

 **Weed Boy:** yeah maybe to you friendship is 'just a joke'

 **Weed Boy:** you are literally all evan has

 **Weed Boy:** so fuck off until you can grow up kleinman

 **Acorn:** No, Connor, it's fine, I know I'm an asshole. 

 **Insecure Freak:** ohmygod youre actually serious stop taking everything so personally

 **Insecure Freak:** evan calm down i was kidding

 **Acorn:** Really?

 **Insecure Freak:** yeah whatever

 **Acorn:** Whatever...

 **Weed Boy:** wow jared

 **Weed Boy:** evan dont listen to him

 **Acorn:** I think I'll go, I know when I'm not wanted.

 **Insecure Freak:** guys seriously

 **Insecure Freak:** im just kidding ohmygod

 **Insecure Freak:** just sorry idk

 **Weed Boy:** are you so insecure that you have to take it out on other people?

 **Insecure Freak:** shut up its none of your business

 **Insecure Freak:** its not like you dont do the same

 **Acorn:** Connor, please don't fight with Jared...

 **Insecure Freak:** you fucking pushed evan in the hall you asshole i thought maybe if we were all friends it would make evan feel better okay

 **Weed Boy:** you.. care?

 **Acorn:** Guys, I'm fine, no one needs to worry. 

 **Insecure Freak:** evan its a little too late for that

 **Insecure Freak:** just

 **Insecure Freak:** sorry nvm

 **Weed Boy:** i have to go

 **Insecure Freak:** good riddance

 **Acorn:** Wait, you worry about me, Jared?

 **Insecure Freak:** obviously

 **Insecure Freak:** well maybe not that obviously but whatever lmao

 **Acorn:** Are you sure Jared I mean the only person who's ever really cared about me is my mom and she only really cares that I take my meds and she says she loves me and cares about me but I know that's not true, I know that as soon as I'm 18 she's going to throw me out and I'll be alone forever, I'm sorry, I'll stop talking now

 **Insecure Freak:** i thought you said she's never home where did this come from

 **Acorn:** She never is because I said she doesn't really care about me she just pretends to get the extra money from my dad's child support. 

 **Insecure Freak:** she's probably glad your dad's gone so you guys get extra money i mean i would lmao right

 **Weed Boy:** like you need to worry about fucking money kleinman

 **Insecure Freak:** oh great look who's back

 **Acorn:** I hear her sometimes, she talks about how much she misses Dad and how he didn't want to deal with me...

 **Weed Boy:** evan no im sure she really does care

 **Insecure Freak:** dude that cant be true though 

 **Weed Boy:** i mean its not like i really have that much experience with caring parents

 **Acorn:** I don't think you really know, Connor, I mean, not to be offensive or anything, but we don't really know each other that well and, and I just--I'll stop now. 

 **Weed Boy:** evan your mom works back to back shifts day and night for you two

 **Weed Boy:** she pays for you to go to therapy

 **Weed Boy:** encourages you to get better, tells you that you CAN get better

 **Weed Boy:** and knows that it will take time

 **Weed Boy:** my parents..

 **Weed Boy:** my parents dont do that

 **Weed Boy:** ha.. and look how well that turned out

 **Insecure Freak:** idk what to say rn its so awkward lol

 **Insecure Freak:** im kinda tired idk i think im gonna go guys talk to you later or whatever

 **Acorn:** Connor, I'm sure your parents care about you at least more than my mom does, I mean, you have so much more and I'm just another burden for my mom to hold, I'm sorry.

 **Insecure Freak:** um goodnight

 **Insecure Freak:** and hey evan?

 **Acorn:** Yeah?

 **Insecure Freak:** just know that people love you

 **Insecure Freak:** um

 **Insecure Freak:** please

 **Insecure Freak:** k night

 **Acorn:** Okay, Jared... Thank you.

 **Weed Boy:** even if i dont know you well evan i still care and i know at least part of what youre going through, ok?

 **Acorn:** Thank you, Connor...

 **Weed Boy:** im gonna go now

 **Weed Boy:** ive got stuff to do

 **Insecure Freak:** yeah and connor?

 **Weed Boy:** what kleinman?

 **Insecure Freak:** try not to stay up until 4:20

 **Insecure Freak:** by stuff you mean weed right

 **Insecure Freak:** count me in dont we all need a blunt

 **Weed Boy:** KLEINMAN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD YOU HAD TO GO RUIN THE MOMENT

 **Insecure Freak:** k gn

 **Insecure Freak:** no you hang up

_Jared Kleinman has logged off_

**Acorn:** Connor, you'll get better with the drugs too--it'll take time?

 **Weed Boy:** oh.. uh.. yeah.. i guess

 **Weed Boy:** thanks ev

 **Weed Boy:** no ones.. ever really said that to me

 **Acorn:** I mean, you said you knew what I was going through, right? So we're going through this together and we can both get better. 

 **Weed Boy:** i.. i dont know what to say

 **Acorn:** I care about you too...

 **Weed Boy:** thanks

 **Weed Boy:** really

 **Weed Boy:** night ev

 **Weed Boy:** try to get some sleep

 **Weed Boy:** i guess

_Connor Murphy has logged off_

Connor shut his laptop with a sigh. Fucking Jared Kleinman. Leave it to him, the freak. 

Then Connor's laptop dinged again, and the teen jumped. He opened his computer, eyes scanning the group chat. 

_Connor Murphy logged on_

**Acorn:** Me either, you're welcome, I'm always here to sympathize and stuff, I think I'm going to go now, my mom is coming home soon and she doesn't like to see me cry. Goodnight, Connor, get some sleep too. 

_Evan Hansen has logged off_

Connor smiled softly. Okay, maybe it hadn't been such a bad idea after all. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH??? Y'ALL ARE GREAT THANKS FOR THE KUDOS HERE'S CHAPTER TWO (it gets a bit angsty)
> 
> PREPARE FOR CHAPTER THREE ON MONDAY

_Connor Murphy has logged on_

**Weed Boy:** hey do either of you have mrs kitts for english? i have no idea what the assignment was and my parents wont get off my case

_Jared Kleinman has logged on_

**Insecure Freak:** hey is no one going to talk about that touching late night moment back there i think we can really call that character development

 **Weed Boy:** jared shut up do you have mrs kitts for english

 **Insecure Freak:** yeah what about it

 **Weed Boy:** what was the homework you ass

 **Insecure Freak:** write a paragraph about act 2 scene 1 of romeo and juliet

 **Weed Boy:** ugh fuck me nobody gives a shit about that play

 **Insecure Freak:**  which reminds me,

 **Insecure Freak:**  i had a dream that i played juliet last night and the hot dude from my class played romeo is that gay 

 **Insecure Freak:** uhm what

 **Insecure Freak:** i do

 **Insecure Freak:** it's great fuck you

 **Weed Boy:** that sounds pretty gay jared

 **Weed Boy:** were you wearing a dress too?

 **Insecure Freak:** fuck you

 **Weed Boy:** what? its a valid observation. you asked if it was gay and i said yes

 **Insecure Freak:** and no i wasnt actually

 **Weed Boy:** thats a shame

 **Insecure Freak:** ughhhhh

 **Weed Boy:** whats wrong with being gay anyway

 **Insecure Freak:** whats wrong is that im not and my mind still had the  a u d a c i t y

 **Weed Boy:** wow, that was some pretty heavy denial

 **Weed Boy:** seriously jared no one is going to give a fuck if youre gay

 **Insecure Freak:** but im not

_Evan Hansen has logged on_

**Acorn:** Yeah, I mean, we've known each other for years, and I wouldn't care, that's good actually, accepting who you are, I'm not saying you are, I'm just saying if you were, I'd accept you, I'm going to stop talking now. 

 **Insecure Freak:** no its fine evan

 **Weed Boy:** we'll work on it

 **Insecure Freak:** no we wont

 **Acorn:** Connor, don't pressure him. 

 **Weed Boy:** .. fine whatever

 **Insecure Freak:** im not gay i s2g you guys are like fangirls or something

 **Weed Boy:** fuck off kleinman

 **Weed Boy:** maybe i just dont want you to feel like you have to be straight or whatever

 **Weed Boy:** never mind

 **Weed Boy:** it doesnt matter

 **Acorn:** I'm sorry, Jared, we don't have to talk about this. 

 **Insecure Freak:** i was just trying to be funny, why do you guys make a big deal out of everything

 **Insecure Freak:** drama queens

 **Insecure Freak:** you're the gay ones

 **Weed Boy:** yeah what of it

 **Acorn:** I mean--Jared, you probably shouldn't--I don't want you guys to fight.

 **Insecure Freak:** im not fighting with anyone

 **Insecure Freak:** im spouting words of wisdom

 **Insecure Freak:** bow down-- WAIT WHAT MURPHY

 **Acorn:** How did we even end get to talking about this?

 **Weed Boy:** jared had a gay-ass dream

 **Weed Boy:** what kleinman?

 **Insecure Freak:** what you just said!

 **Insecure Freak:** holy shit he admitted it

 **Weed Boy:** admitted what?

 **Insecure Freak:** evan you owe me $5

 **Acorn:** We never bet?

 **Weed Boy:** im so confused

 **Acorn:** I never agreed to a bet. 

 **Insecure Freak:** you do now pay up acorn

 **Acorn:**  I--I don't have $5

 **Weed Boy:** kleinman that is not how betting works

 **Weed Boy:** what is wrong with you

 **Weed Boy:** evan its ok

 **Acorn:** I-I mean, I can probably get a job soon, and I can pay you back then, but I don't know how long that will take, and I'll probably be fired really quickly because I'm so awkward and my hands get really sweaty when I'm nervous, but it's not like I can't help that, but sometimes my hands aren't even that sweaty, but I worry that they are sweaty, so then they get sweaty and I hate it, I hate it so much. 

 **Insecure Freak:** whoa, evan, calm down please

 **Acorn:** No, it's fine, I'm fine, I'm okay, it's fine, I'm just going to go before I cause any more problems. 

 **Weed Boy:** evan no cmon youre not causing problems

 **Insecure Freak:** what problems

 **Acorn:** I'm a problem anyway...

 **Insecure Freak:** wtf

 **Insecure Freak:** stfu who said that

 **Acorn:** Just another burden...

 **Weed Boy:** no you arent evan hansen

 **Insecure Freak:** who fucking said that

 **Acorn:** No one said that, and you can say that all you want, Connor, but I know everyone knows the truth. I know.

 **Insecure Freak:** IN WHAT WORLD

 **Insecure Freak:** WOULD YOU EVER THINK THAT

 **Insecure Freak:**  AND WHY

 **Weed Boy:** i cant believe im saying this.. but kleinman is right evan

 **Insecure Freak:** wow

 **Acorn:** I mean, no one comes near me, anyway, I mean, you guys do, I don't know why Connor is even bothering, and I know Jared is only around so his mom will pay for his car insurance. 

 **Weed Boy:** .. car insurance? 

 **Insecure Freak:** im right here evan

 **Insecure Freak:** its not fucking true you know that evan

 **Weed Boy:** i dont think he does

 **Acorn:** And I'm not going to get any better, anyway, so it's not even worth being around me anymore. 

 **Insecure Freak:** its not fucking true 

 **Weed Boy:** evan no

 **Weed Boy:** you will get better i know you can

 **Acorn:** No, I don't think you do, it's so hard to just live with this. 

 **Insecure Freak:** you're right

 **Insecure Freak:** maybe i dont know what its like to be wildly insecure and scared of everything

 **Weed Boy:** but you have us. both of us. we are here for you. 

 **Acorn:** I don't know how to connect with anyone, I always manage to fuck it up somehow. 

 **Acorn:** So it's not even worth making a connection with me because it either will never work or I'll mess it up, I'm just better off alone, I don't want to annoy anyone. 

 **Weed Boy:** evan i know what thats like. i know exactly what thats like. but you have the potential to change. you have all these people around you - your mom, your therapist, me, jared - who are there to help you fight

 **Weed Boy:** you have what it takes

 **Weed Boy:** to be more than just.. well, this

 **Acorn:** I just don't want to waste everyone's time because I'm NOT going to get any better, I know that for a fact, because I CAN'T.

_Jared Kleinman has logged off_

**Acorn:** Look, even Jared doesn't want to deal with me. 

 **Weed Boy:** evan, i'll make you a deal

 **Acorn:** What?

 **Weed Boy:** we're friends right? friends help each other out

 **Acorn:** Right...

 **Weed Boy:**  if i try to quit weed and maybe convince my parents to let me go to therapy, evan you have to make sure to go to all of your sessions and stay on your meds

 **Weed Boy:** please?

 **Acorn:** ... Okay. It's a deal. 

 **Weed Boy:** ok great

 **Weed Boy:** i believe in you evan

 **Weed Boy:** seriously

 **Acorn:** I believe in you too, Connor. 

_Evan Hansen has logged off_

Connor took a deep breath, wiping at his eyes. Everything he had told Evan was true, and it was really hitting home. 

"Connor, dinner is ready." Cynthia Murphy knocked on her son's door. Connor sighed. 

"Whatever, I'll be right there."

Her footsteps faded away. Connor shut his laptop, grabbing his hoodie and walking downstairs. 


	3. Chapter 3

In all honesty, Connor had come to enjoy his chats with Evan and Jared. Evan was so anxious, and quite like him in many ways, and Jared could get on his nerves to no end, but he had come to think of them as... as his friends, he supposed.

He hoped Evan was heeding his advice about therapy.

"Connor, come on, time for school." Zoe banged on his bedroom door. Connor rolled his eyes, lacing up his boots. "Connor, come on!"

She opened his door and Connor froze, grabbing his hoodie off his bed instinctively. Zoe's eyes widened.

"Connor..." she whispered. "You're so skinny."

"I hadn't noticed," Connor snapped, angrily pulling on his hoodie. "Get out of my way. I'm walking. Take my car."

Connor threw Zoe his keys, storming past the kitchen, where his parents sat at the table.

"Connor, honey, I made breakfast--"

"No, thanks, Mom!" Connor called, opening the front door.

"Connor, wait!" Zoe exclaimed.

"Bye!" Connor slammed the door behind him.

-

Connor avoided Evan and Jared at school all day. He was not in the mood to talk to anybody; he just hid in the library and ditched all his classes and lunch.

After school, Jared messaged the group chat again. Connor pulled it up on his phone.

_Jared Kleinman has logged on_

**Insecure Freak:** hey homos

 **Insecure Freak:** come on

 **Insecure Freak:** talk to me

 **Insecure Freak:** why cant we be friends?

_Connor Murphy has logged on_

**Weed Boy:** what do you want kleinman

 **Insecure Freak:** validation

 **Weed Boy:** doesnt everybody

 **Insecure Freak:** i was invited to one of my parents dumb-ass rich people parties aGAIN

 **Weed Boy:** god i hate those

 **Insecure Freak:** the only thing that makes this better is the fact that shakira is playing on the radio

 **Weed Boy:** lmao you like shakira?

 **Insecure Freak:** uhm who doesnt

 **Insecure Freak:** shes a hispanic goddess

 **Weed Boy:** true i guess

 **Insecure Freak:** yOu aGrEe?!!!?

 **Weed Boy:** yeah turns out youre not always wrong

 **Insecure Freak:** im touched

 **Weed Boy:** whatever

 **Insecure Freak:** thats my catchphrase

 **Insecure Freak:** first you steal my heart and then my catchphrase whats next

 **Weed Boy:** whoawhoawhoa

 **Weed Boy:** your HEART?

 **Weed Boy:** kleinman are you DRUNK

 **Insecure Freak:** and the plot thickens oh ho ho

 **Insecure Freak:** slightly

 **Weed Boy:** youre drunk

 **Weed Boy:** jfc

 **Insecure Freak:** no im not

 **Insecure Freak:** i say with a beer in my hand

 **Weed Boy:** ..

_Jared Kleinman sent a picture_

**Insecure Freak:** jk its just root beer

 **Insecure Freak:** ah memorial day what a blessing

 **Insecure Freak:** i just LOVE sitting outside surrounded by people idk

 **Insecure Freak:** hahahahahahhaha

 **Weed Boy:** i know right isnt it the BEST

 **Insecure Freak:** i am SO fucking happy

 **Insecure Freak:** so happy that im about to drown myself in the pool

 **Weed Boy:** me too

 **Insecure Freak:** its deep enough that no one will know

 **Weed Boy:** yeah but your body will rise to the top eventually

 **Insecure Freak:** that sounds like a them problem

 **Insecure Freak:** theres a rope ladder on the kids playset im considering

 **Weed Boy:** do you know how to tie a noose?

 **Insecure Freak:** ive had practice

 **Weed Boy:** yeah

Connor paused, hesitating for a moment. He tried to steel his nerves.

 **Weed Boy:** hey kleinman

 **Insecure Freak:** what

 **Weed Boy:** would anyone noticed if i snuck into that party to hang out with you

 **Weed Boy:** ive got nothing better to do

 **Insecure Freak:** nope

 **Insecure Freak:** theres a lot of people around and im just watching some guys our age play basketball

 **Weed Boy:** great i’ll be right there

 **Insecure Freak:** yeah cool

 **Weed Boy:** where is it?

 **Insecure Freak:** you know the Jewish house down mulberry st?

 **Weed Boy:** actually yeah i do

 **Weed Boy:** i’ll be right there

 **Insecure Freak:** nice okay

 **Insecure Freak:** hey

 **Insecure Freak:** thanks

 **Weed Boy:** no problem

 **Weed Boy:** youre pretty ok i guess

_Connor Murphy changed a nickname_

**OK Freak:** one of the guys has really nice hair and the cutest smile ya gotta come see this

 **OK Freak:** aw you changed my name

 **OK Freak:** i try

 **Weed Boy:** jared

 **Weed Boy:** youre gay

 **Weed Boy:** but im on my way

 **OK Freak:** connor

 **OK Freak:** ive realized

 **Weed Boy:** thats good man

 **Weed Boy:** now shut up im driving

 **OK Freak:** youre gonna be here just in time they have food out

 **OK Freak:** no

 **OK Freak:** you live super close come on get here already

 **OK Freak:** i sEE uR cAR

 **OK Freak:** SCREEEEEE

 **Weed Boy:** CONNOR MAKES AN ENTRANCE

 **OK Freak:** LMAO

 **Weed Boy:** dude i see you save me a piece of pizza

 **OK Freak:** never

 **Weed Boy:** JARED NO YOU CANT JUST SHOVE THREE PIECES IN YOUR MOUTH AT ONCE

 **OK Freak:** I GET THE LAST PIECE ASSHOLE

 **Weed Boy:** NO FUCK YOU

 **OK Freak:** ITS HOT AND YOU KNOW IT

 **OK Freak:** youre right next to me put your phone down

 **Weed Boy:** you put your phone down

 **OK Freak:** no thanks

Connor rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, walking in the direction he came.

 **OK Freak:** no stop walking away come back

 **OK Freak:** omg did you see those dogs

 **OK Freak:** THE DOGS THO

Connor looked up, and grinned at the soccer mom walking four dogs at once.

 **Weed Boy:** omg theyre so cute

 **Weed Boy:** jared you have sauce all over your mouth

Connor watched as Jared ran over to the dogs. He leant down and one of them licked his face, and Jared laughed. He stood back up, waving as the lady walked away. Then he went back to his phone.

 **OK Freak:** lick it off daddy

 **Weed Boy:** fOR GODS SAKE

 **Weed Boy:** HOW MANY KINKS DO YOU HAVE

 **OK Freak:** many, wanna find out? ;)

 **Weed Boy:** youre disgusting

 **Weed Boy:** get your cute ass back over here

 **OK Freak:** no thanks

Connor buried his face in his hands, jumping up from the seat he found himself in, running into the house. _Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…_

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Connor muttered over and over as he accidentally bumped into people. “Excuse me!”

Connor tapped the hostess’ arm. She turned. “Where’s your bathroom?”

She once-overed him with a grimace, then pointed down the hall.

“Thank you.”

Connor locked the door as soon as it shut, not caring if people were staring. He just needed to be _alone._

 **OK Freak** : CONNOR COME OUT OF THE GODDAMNED BATHROOM THEYRE PLAYING MORE SHAKIRA

 **OK Freak:** YOURE NOT CONNOR IN THE BATHROOM

 **Weed Boy:** IM HAVING MY PERIOD LEAVE ME ALONE

It wasn’t a lie, really. But it wasn’t why Connor had run to the bathroom. He groaned, banging his head against the bathroom wall. _He didn’t know, Connor, he didn’t know, he didn’t know, he’s gonna think you’re a freak, he’s never gonna talk to you again, he’ll tell everybody--_

 **OK Freak:** do you need something buddy

Connor froze, staring at his phone screen. HIs hands were shaky as he typed his reply.

 **Weed Boy:** no..

 **OK Freak:** are you sure i can go grab stuff

Connor blinked.

 **Weed Boy:** you..

 **Weed Boy:** seriously?

 **OK Freak:** im being serious

 **OK Freak:** do you need anything

 **Weed Boy:** i, uh.. No, im ok im fine i promise

 **OK Freak:** i can bring you to my house i live just down the street

 **OK Freak:** ok, you sure?

 **Weed Boy:** i..

 **Weed Boy:** can we leave?

 **Weed Boy:** its really loud here

 **OK Freak:** yes ofc

 **Weed Boy:** thanks..

 **OK Freak:** come on out im waiting by your car

 **OK Freak:** want me to drive?

 **Weed Boy:** yes please..

 **OK Freak:** np ok

 **Weed Boy:** thanks jared

Connor unlocked the bathroom door, heading outside and across to lawn to Jared, who wrapped an arm around his shoulders and helped Connor into the passenger side of his car. Jared then walked around the front of the sedan, getting in the driver’s seat. Connor handed him the key from his pocket and Jared gunned the engine. Connor's phone pinged and he looked at it.

_Evan Hansen has logged on_

**Acorn:** Hi, guys.

 **Acorn:** What happened while I was gone?

 **Acorn:** I’m so confused right now…

 **Weed Boy:** not much really i guess

 **Weed Boy:** jareds driving he cant talk

Connor looked up to see the other boy on his phone. HIs eyes bugged out of his head.

 **OK Freak:** yes i can

 **Weed Boy:** NO JARED

Connor tried to grab Jared's arm. He held his phone out of Connor's reach and somehow continued typing.

“Jared, _keep your eyes on the road_!” Connor exclaimed, placing one of his hands on the wheel.

 **Acorn:** Oh

 **Acorn:** Well, I’ll be right back

 **Acorn:** Don’t die guys.

 **Acorn:** Please.

 **OK Freak:** k

 **OK Freak:** im just driving connor to my house from a boring ass party

Jared turned into his driveway. Connor sighed in relief.

_Jared Kleinman sent a picture_

**OK Freak:** WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE ABODE

 **Weed Boy:** ohmygodwesurvived

Connor punched Jared in the shoulder as they walked through his front door. His house was nice, like Connor's, and had that same fake-happy feeling about it.

Connor laid down on the couch, resting his head on one armrest and his feet on the other. Jared moved Connor's legs out of the way to sit down, and Connor placed his feet on Jared's lap.

Before he knew it, Connor was fast asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it came so late in the day, but school is finally out so we'll have a lot more time to write now!!

**_Jared’s POV (bc i want the readers to see the rest of this beautiful thing)_ **

**OK Freak:** evan

 **OK Freak:** connor is deadass passed out on my sofa

 **OK Freak:** LOOKIN CUTE THERE MURPHY

Jared leant over to brush a piece of hair out of Connor’s face. He patted Connor's knee.

 **OK Freak:** wow hes a deep sleeper i slapped his ass and he didnt move

 _Well, maybe not yet_ , Jared thought to myself.

 **Acorn:** Aw.

 **Acorn:** … Jared, that was unnecessary.

 **OK Freak:** no i think you mean completely necessary

 **Acorn:** No, but okay then.

 **OK Freak:** yeah

 **OK Freak:** waiting for the beanpole to wake up

Jared carefully stood up, placing Connor’s legs gently back on the couch. He headed to the backyard where his older brother’s old hoop was still set up.

 **OK Freak:** lonely jared playing basketball all by himself

 **Acorn:** Oh, no, Jared, I’m sorry, I’d come and play too, but I don’t know how

 **OK Freak:** just

 **OK Freak:** *throws* *grunt noise* *miss* *enthusiastic cheer* thats what i do

 **Acorn:** That… that was detailed.

 **OK Freak:** yeah it was

 **OK Freak:** come on evan

 **OK Freak:** seriously

 **OK Freak:** come over

 **OK Freak:** we can have our own party

 **Acorn:** I can’t right now, I would, but I have to go to therapy, I’d rather go there, maybe I will come, actually…

 **OK Freak:** no

 **OK Freak:** go to therapy

 **OK Freak:** you promised connor

 **Acorn:** I know, but I hate it, and it doesn’t help.

 **OK Freak:** then what will?

 **Acorn:** Fine. Just for the deal.

 **OK Freak:** no ev

 **OK Freak:** talk to me, please

 **OK Freak:** if theres something better, try that

 **OK Freak:** but please, go to your therapy sessions

 **Acorn:** I’ve tried so hard for my whole life, guys.

 **Acorn:** I made no progress, and all I get is more medicine that doesn’t do anything!

 **OK Freak:** then maybe medication isnt for you

 **Acorn:** But what else can I do, Jared?

 **Acorn:** Medication does very little, therapy doesn’t work, the damn letters I’m supposed to write to myself just make me even more depressed and yet here I am, I still stutter every other word, and I can’t do anything about.

 **Acorn:** I just can’t anymore.

 **OK Freak:** please, talk to us

 **OK Freak:** tell us everything

 **Acorn:** You don’t want to hear it.

 **OK Freak:** i do

 **OK Freak:** i want to help more than anything in the world

 **OK Freak:** i like to help other people sometimes

 **OK Freak:** well you and connor anyway

 **Acorn:** It’s really depressing…

 **OK Freak:** so is life

 **Acorn:** Okay…

 **OK Freak:** only if you want to

 **Acorn:** No, I think… I think I do want to, maybe it’ll help.

 **OK Freak:** ok im here

 **Acorn:** All they talk about at therapy is the damn letters and they say I’m making progress and ‘doing really well’ but I’m not, I’m not getting any better, for every step I take, it’s two steps backward.

 **Acorn:** And I know my mom means well and wants to help but no one can. No one can help this.

 **Acorn:** And I’m thinking about stopping my meds because they aren’t making any difference.

 **Acorn:** And I know that’s really bad, but I don’t really care.

 **OK Freak:** stay on your meds, acorn. please

 **Acorn:** All I want more than anything in the world is to get better, guys. To be normal.

 **OK Freak:** maybe you need to be more honest

 **OK Freak:** tell them the truth

 **Acorn:** They don’t help! They say the same things every time and I always end up crying after I can’t take it anymore…

 **Acorn:** I’m always so honest, and I just want to get better, but nothing they say to do helps me.

 **OK Freak:** have you even tried to tell them yet?

 **Acorn:** Told who what?

 **Acorn:** The therapists?

 **OK Freak:** yeah

 **Acorn:** I tell them everything I want. Which is most of it. I didn’t tell them what happened when I broke my arm.

 **OK Freak:** that might help dude

 **OK Freak:** i really want to help, acorn, but admittedly, im not very good at this

 **Acorn:** No, it’s okay, I feel better now. Thanks, Jared.

 **OK Freak:** are you sure?

 **OK Freak:** i just want to help

 **Acorn:** I know. You are.

 **OK Freak:** ok good.

 **OK Freak:** stay safe?

 **Acorn:** Yeah. Yeah, you too, Jared.

 **OK Freak:** murphy has been asleep for the past hour wAkE uP YA BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF SHIT

Jared grinned, running back into the house. He leant down next to Connor’s face.

“WAKE UP, MURPHY!”

Connor jumped and nearly fell off the couch. Jared cackled, running into the kitchen.

_Connor Murphy has logged on_

**Weed Boy:** WTF KLEINMAN WHAT WAS THAT FOR JESUS CHRIST

 **Weed Boy:** that fuckin huuuurrrrrrrt

 **Weed Boy:** why are you so goddamn loud?

 **Weed Boy:** GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE

Jared doubled over on himself, hiding behind a cabinet door.

“You piece of shit!” Connor yelled at him.

 **Weed Boy:** I KNOW YOURE LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE

 **Weed Boy:** DONT RUN AWAY FROM ME

 **Acorn:** Connor? What did Jared do?

 **Weed Boy:** he screamed in my ear to wake me up

 **Acorn:** Jared, that could have damaged Connor’s ears.

Jared started laughing harder.

“Oh, yeah, that’s hilarious!”

 **Weed Boy:** hes just LAUGHING AT ME

 **Weed Boy:** for gods sake

 **Acorn:** It’s Jared, what else would you expect?

 **Weed Boy:** true

 **Acorn:** My mom just ordered a pizza because she felt bad that I was crying earlier.

 **Weed Boy:** well i cant let you eat pizza all alone

 **Weed Boy:** can i come over? is that ok? i might even bring jared if he decides he’ll stop laughing at me?

“PIZZA!” Jared jumped up. Connor rolled his eyes at the other.

 **Acorn:** uh yeah that would be great i’d like the company

“I’ll start the car!” Jared ran out the door, keeping an eye on the group chat.

 **Weed Boy:** ok no problem

 **Weed Boy:** let me catch up with jareds ass and we’ll be right over ok?

 **Acorn:** Yeah, that sounds good.

 **Acorn:** My mom said it’s fine that you guys come, she’s going to work in 10 minutes.

 **Weed Boy:** ok we’re on our way

 **Acorn:** Okay.

 **Weed Boy:** see you there

 **Acorn:** Yeah, see you there, or I mean here, I don’t know…

 **Weed Boy:** youre ok ev dont worry

 **Acorn:** Okay…

 **OK Freak:** guess who crashed the party mf

 **OK Freak:** open your door i dont wanna stand out here all day hansen

 **OK Freak:** i feel awkward and dont want to ring the doorbell stop making out with a tree and COME ON

 **Weed Boy:** jared.. shut up

 **Acorn:** I’m sorry, Jared, I was upstairs, I’m coming now, I’m really sorry.

 **OK Freak:** lmao youre fine dont freak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks to autumn tap on pintrest for promoting our fan fiction!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR ATTEMPTED SUICIDE! Please be careful reading this chapter!

“Connor, come downstairs,” Mr. Murphy called. Connor sighed as he tossed his last bag of weed into the trash. _For Evan, for Evan, for Evan_ , he kept repeating to himself over and over again.

“What’s up?” Connor tugged on his sleeves. He had had a good night the night before with Jared and Evan. He was in a good mood. Now he knew he was all going to come crashing back down around him.

“We need to talk, honey.” Mrs. Murphy gave him a subdued smile. Zoe was sitting next to her at the table. Connor pursed his lips.

“About what?” he asked, feet glued to the floor. His entire family was staring holes into him.

“You aren’t getting better, son,” Mr. Murphy said. Connor clenched his fists. “We talked about this.”

“Well, I was thinking--”

“Don’t interrupt me,” Mr. Murphy snapped.

“Larry--”

“No, I’m done with his impertinence!” Connor’s father stood up abruptly. Mrs. Murphy jumped, as did Zoe. Connor took a deep breath.

“Dad, maybe if I just went to therapy, I could get help, I could get better--!” he pleaded.

“No!” Mr. Murphy shouted. Connor shrunk back. “You’ve done this to yourself! You aren’t putting anything into this, into our _family_!”

“What family?!” Connor yelled. “All you do is berate me for not getting better when you never give me the chance to try!”

“Don’t raise your voice at me!” Mr. Murphy snapped.

“Dad’s right, Connor,” Zoe spoke up. Connor stared at her. “You’re such a piece of shit to us, all the time. It’s like you don’t even care!”

Connor felt like an ice cold fist was closing around his heart. Zoe, his baby sister, the sister he stood up for day and and day out, who he fought tooth and nail to protect, calling him a piece of shit.

“Zoe!” Mrs. Murphy gasped.

“Fuck you, Zoe!” Connor exclaimed, trying to ignore the fist ripping his heart out of his chest. “Maybe I don’t care because you don’t!”

Everyone went silent. Connor was breathing hard.

“Why…” he began, “why should I give you _anything_ if I get _nothing_ in return!”

“We’re going out,” Mr. Murphy said lowly. “When you grow up, you can maybe join us.”

“Larry--Larry!” Mrs. Murphy ran out of the room after her husband. Zoe shook her head, shoving past Connor and out the door.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Connor whispered, silent tears spilling down his cheeks.

-

_Ding!_

_Ding!_

_Ding!_

_Ding!_

_Ding!_

Connor ignored his phone going off. He had been ignoring it for hours. He thought. He wasn’t exactly sure. He was sitting in his bathtub, holding his mom’s sleeping pills in his hand. His eyes flicked momentarily to his wrists as he pulled down the sleeves of his sweatshirt. He shut off the water from the flowing tap and settled back in the silence against the wall.

His phone rang as he stared at the prescription pills in his other hand.

_Ding!_

_Ding!_

_Ding!_

Then his phone started spouting his voicemails on and off, on and off.

“Connor, are you okay?” Jared’s voice rang through the bathroom. “We’re seriously worried about you, man. Please respond.”

“Connor, you’re seriously freaking us out. Evan is hyperventilating. You need to tell us what’s going on.”

“That’s it, we’re coming over.”

Connor swallowed thickly.

_Ding!_

_Ding!_

_Ding!_

_Ding!_

“I’m sorry,” he managed through his tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

He opened the lid of the pill bottle and poured them all into one hand. He lifted his shaking arm.

_Ding!_

_Ding!_

“CONNOR!” Jared’s voice yelled as his front door crashed open. “Connor, are you okay?!”

Connor hesitated.

“C-Connor!” Evan shouted.

He looked them in the eyes, shoving the pills into his mouth and swallowing them all.

-

When Connor came to, all he saw was white. White lights, white walls, white coats of doctors. His first thought was that he had failed _again_.

Then arms were around him, and faces were being buried in his chest and shoulder, and he didn’t understand what was happening until his eyes focused and he _knew_.

“Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re safe,” Jared stifled a sob, clutching his glasses in his hand. Connor’s eyes shifted to Evan. He looked just like a lost little kid, even more so than usual. Evan’s hands were fisting the front of Connor’s shirt desperately, needing something to ground himself, something to know _Connor was alive_.

Then Evan was sobbing, his whole body shaking. Connor’s eyes widened.

“I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you so much, Connor Murphy, you don’t even know, you are _always_ there for me, and now it’s my turn, it’s my turn to be there for you, okay?”

Connor didn’t have words. He nodded, tightening his grip around Evan’s shoulders. Connor’s steady breaths sounded as the boys listened desperately for his heart beat, the rising and falling of his chest, signs of _life_ . Jared was silent, and it was so uncharacteristic of the other boy, Connor briefly wondered _how could they care this much?_ Jared wormed his way under Connor’s blanket and latched onto the taller boy’s side, and Evan rested comfortably on top of Connor’s body, and the three of them were just an undecipherable pile of arms and legs, but they were happy.

Connor’s eyes watered, and he nuzzled his face into Jared’s hair to stifle the tears, and then Jared was crying too, and Evan started crying harder, but it was _good_. They had each other. They were there for each other.

It was _right_. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bringing on the angst soon

Connor watched silently as Evan talked to his mom on the phone. Jared was asleep, still curled into Connor’s side. Since he had been admitted to the hospital, they told him, Evan and Jared hadn’t left his side.

Evan shut his “weird, off-brand cellphone”, as Jared had dubbed it, and turned to the others.

“My m-mom’s on her way t-to pick us u-up. We-We’ve got to get to s-school soon.”

Connor nodded, leaning over Jared to grab the shorter boy’s glasses off the nightstand. He didn’t really want them to leave, but he didn’t want them to fall too far behind in school either.

“W-We’ll visit ev-every day, d-don’t w-worry.” Evan gave Connor a shy smile.

“You don’t have to do that, Ev--”

“I want to,” Evan interrupted confidently. Then his face flushed red. “I-I-I mean, only if--”

“Ev,” Connor said softly, “it’s okay.”

Evan nodded, playing with his hands. Connor shook Jared’s shoulder.

“No,” was the muffled reply. Evan and Connor grinned.

“Jared, come on, you have to go back to school.”

“No I don’t. I’m going to stay here and suffocate in your hospital bed.”

Evan giggled, taking Jared’s glasses from Connor.

“C-Come on, Jared, m-my mom’s g-gonna be h-here s-soon.”

“ _Fiiiiiine_.” Jared rolled out of Connor’s bed, shoving his glasses hastily on his face. “I’m going.”

“Let me know if Mrs. Kitts missed me!” I called after them as they went out front to meet Ms. Hansen.

-

_Connor Murphy has logged on_

**Weed Boy:** does mrs kitts miss me

 **Weed Boy:** i know she does

 **Weed Boy:** deep down

_Evan Hansen has logged on_

**Acorn:** I mean, I don’t have her, so I wouldn’t know.

 **Weed Boy:** youre fine ev

 **Weed Boy:** jared cmon where are you i need to know

 **Acorn:** Jared might be sleeping or something, I think he has a free period now, never mind that’s stupid, I’m gonna stop…

 **Weed Boy:** ev calm down its ok

 **Weed Boy:** he probably is sleeping for all we know

 **Acorn:** You’re probably eight…

 **Acorn:** RIGHT

 **Acorn:** Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to call you eight, that’s so stupid, I’m so stupid, I know you’re not eight, I meant right, sorry.

 **Weed Boy:** ev, it was a typo, its ok

 **Acorn:** Yeah…

_Jared Kleinman has logged on_

**OK Freak:** connor you know mrs kitts hates your emo ass

 **Weed Boy:** she does not

 **OK Freak:** why are you failing then

 **Weed Boy:** bc her daughter hates me

 **Weed Boy:** so its more like secondhand hatred

 **Acorn:** I didn’t know Mrs. Kitts had a daughter.

 **Acorn:** I don’t even know Mrs. Kitts, what am I even talking about anymore…

 **Weed Boy:** yeah she’s in zoe’s--

I tensed, immediately backspacing what I had been typing.

 **Weed Boy:** yeah she’s a junior

 **Weed Boy:** talia or something

 **Acorn:** Talia is a nice name.

 **Weed Boy:** i guess

 **Weed Boy:** what class are you guys in right now?

 **Acorn:** I’m in English.

 **Weed Boy:** you have mr lake right?

 **Weed Boy:** hes cool i had him last year

 **Acorn:** Yeah, he’s really cool.

 **OK Freak:** define class

 **Weed Boy:** jared what are you doing right now

 **OK Freak:** heheheh

 **Acorn:** Jared, did you skip again?

 **OK Freak:** when did i ever skip acorn

 **Acorn:** I don’t know, I just thought you did, I’m sorry.

 **OK Freak:** no i mean youre right

 **Weed Boy:** kleinman you skipped with me last week

 **OK Freak:** gASP

 **OK Freak:** YOU TOLD HIM

 **Acorn:** I--

 **Acorn:** No…

 **Weed Boy:** EVAN IS IN YOUR BIOLOGY CLASS JARED

 **OK Freak:** WHATS THE NUMBER ONE RULE??? KEEP ACORN INNOCENT

 **Acorn:** Innocent?

 **OK Freak:** HE MUST NOT KNOW OF SKIPPING

 **OK Freak:** evan honey cover your ears dont listen to us

 **Acorn:** What, no, what?

 **Weed Boy:** jared

 **Weed Boy:** sweetheart

 **OK Freak:** mmhmm

 **Weed Boy:** shut up

 **OK Freak:** make me

 **Weed Boy:** ..

 **Acorn:** Jared, no…

 **OK Freak:** CONNOR LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW

 **Weed Boy:** why am i looking out my window tf

 **OK Freak:** guess what

 **Acorn:** Um…

 **Weed Boy:** what

 **OK Freak:** dont you see me

 **OK Freak:** wait wrong window

 **OK Freak:** ah yes here

 **Weed Boy:** get off my beautiful concrete lawn

 **OK Freak:** lmao no

 **OK Freak:** im coming in

 **Acorn:** Jared, what are you doing, what’s going on, Connor?

 **OK Freak:** i

 **OK Freak:** am skipping school

 **Weed Boy:** the nurse is gonna ask questions

 **OK Freak:** fuck her

 **OK Freak:** literally

 **OK Freak:** she wont say anything if youre good

 **Acorn:** I wanna skip too.

 **OK Freak:** gasp

 **OK Freak:** has the day come

 **OK Freak:** ACORN HAS GROWN UP

 **OK Freak:** COME JOIN ME

 **OK Freak:** IM STILL STANDING OUTSIDE CONNORS WINDOW

 **Acorn:** I was grown up before, but okay…

 **Weed Boy:** ohmygod kleinman if you keep yelling the doctors will come running

 **OK Freak:** evan

 **OK Freak:** for context

 **Acorn:** Yeah?

 **OK Freak:** i am screaming “romeo romeo wherefore art thou romeo”

 **Acorn:** Okay…

 **Acorn:** I’ll leave after this class. Jared, meet me somewhere.

 **OK Freak:** its wonderful isnt it

 **Weed Boy:** i am not your romeo jared kleinman

 **OK Freak:** :(

 **OK Freak:** ok acorn

 **OK Freak:** where do you wanna meet

 **Acorn:** I don’t know, where are you?

 **OK Freak:** i’ll come get you

 **Weed Boy:** you guys should try that little cafe down the street from the school

 **Weed Boy:** its called uncommon grounds

 **OK Freak:** wow thats beautiful

 **Weed Boy:** yeah

 **OK Freak:** romeo i’ll be back im out to get juliet

 **Acorn:** I can walk there and you can pick me up?

 **Acorn:** Why do I have to be Juliet?

 **Weed Boy:** who does that make you jared

 **OK Freak:** i get to be rosaline bc i survive the fucking play

 **OK Freak:** no ev im already on my way st o p walkinggGgGGg

 **Weed Boy:** w o w

 **Weed Boy:** that was a stab

 **OK Freak:** i

 **OK Freak:** if you werent already in the hospital i’d put you in it myself just for that

 **Weed Boy:** you love me

 **Acorn:** Don’t we all?

 **OK Freak:** yes i do

 **Weed Boy:** thanks

 **Acorn:** Where are you I stopped walking?

 **OK Freak:** im pulling in rn gOD

 **OK Freak:** it takes a bit of time bc traffic is a thing bud

 **Acorn:** Sorry, I didn’t mean to rush you, I’m sorry

 **OK Freak:** it gucci

 **Weed Boy:** dont yell at him jared

 **OK Freak:** whOS YELLING

 **OK Freak:** vroom vroom

 **Weed Boy:** ohmygod

 **Acorn:** Um…

 **Acorn:** I just don’t want anyone to see me

 **Weed Boy:** ev you’ll be fine

 **Acorn:** Are you sure?

 **Weed Boy:** yeah

 **Weed Boy:** i skip all the time nobody cares

 **OK Freak:** thats bc nobody likes your ugly ass

I froze, staring at my phone screen. _He didn’t mean it, you know he didn’t mean it, Murphy, quit overreacting, I just really don’t need this right now--_

 **Acorn:** I do!

 **OK Freak:** jk youre hot stuff buddy

I took a shaky breath.

 **Weed Boy:** whatever

 **Acorn:** Jared, where are you, I’m all alone?

 **OK Freak:** scREEEEEEEEE

Jared came barging into my room, yelling nonsense at the top of his lungs.

“KLEINMAN!” I yelled, throwing my pillow at him. He laughed.

“Boys, voices!” my nurse Miss Porter exclaimed.

“Sorry, ma’am,” I told her.

 **OK Freak:** i ran to connors room

 **Weed Boy:** WTF KLEINMAN

 **OK Freak:** fine i’ll come back to the lobby

Jared ran back out the door.

 **Acorn:** Thank you…

 **Weed Boy:** go get evan and bring him in here too

 **OK Freak:** we’re cominggGgGagagagg

 **Acorn:** Connor, I see your parents pulling up, what do we do?

I tensed.

 **Weed Boy:** what?

 **Weed Boy:** what are they doing here?

 **OK Freak:** run

 **OK Freak:** connor tell us when they leave i dragged evan into a supply closet

Connor had no doubt Jared would usually send a winky face, but they all knew now was  _not the time_. 

 **Acorn:** I don’t know, Connor, they just got out of the car, I think, I don’t really know, I can’t see them anymore.

Connor stepped out of his bed, opening his room’s door and stepping into the hallway. He could see his parents talking to the receptionist. His dad looked pissed, and his mom seemed worried.

 **Weed Boy:** theyre at the front desk i can see them

 **OK Freak:** why are you out of your room

 **OK Freak:** dUdE

 **Weed Boy:** im like two feet away from my door

 **OK Freak:** sCREAM

 **Weed Boy:** ohmygod theyre fighting again

 **OK Freak:** whatdoido

 **OK Freak:** acorn is freaking out omg

 **Acorn:** Connor, please go lay back down, please.

 **OK Freak:** yes plz

Connor watched silently as his dad yelled at his mom.

“If he had just gotten better, then we wouldn’t have to be paying his fucking hospital bill,” Mr. Murphy grumbled, slamming the pen back down on the receptionist’s desk.

“Larry!” Mrs. Murphy exclaimed, rushing after him as he stormed out the door.

 **OK Freak:** STOP WALKING OVER THERE

 _They hate me, they hate me, they hate me_ , was all that was going through Connor’s head as he rushed down the hall from his room.

 **OK Freak:** MOTHERFUCKER

“I wish he was never born!” Mr. Murphy yelled. Connor swallowed thickly, running after his parents. His phone fell from his hand, but he hardly noticed.

“Connor, wait!” Jared called after him.

“Sir!” a nurse shouted.

“ _Dad_!” Connor yelled. Mr. and Mrs. Murphy froze.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short and angsty! PREPARE YOURSELVES
> 
> TW for violence

**_Jared’s POV_ **

_I love him, I love him, I love him_ , was all Jared’s mind could process as he darted out of the supply closet he and Evan had been hiding in. He grabbed Connor’s phone, shoving it into his pocket and making his way to the hospital entrance.

“Jared!” Evan managed.

“HEY, MR. MURPHY!” Jared yelled, feeling his face grow hot and the tears well in his eyes. “What kind of parents are you, huh?! _You_ hurt him! It’s all your fault!”

Jared knew he was crying, he could feel the tears falling down his face, but it didn’t matter. _He had to protect Connor._

“Evan, let go of me, let go--”

“N-No, no, y-you can’t g-get h-hurt ag-again, _please_ ,” Evan begged.

“Dad, where are you _going_?!” Connor screamed as the three teens watched Mr. Murphy’s hand lift to open his car door.

“C-Connor, please--”

“Sir, you need to come back to your room,” a nurse was saying.

“No! No, Dad where are you going?! Mom! _Please_!”

“Why do you keep running away?!” Jared shouted at Connor’s dad. Then Mr. Murphy was in Jared’s face, grabbing Jared’s collar, and they were both yelling at each other so loudly, Jared didn’t even know what either of them were saying.

Suddenly a sharp pain erupted down Jared’s back, and he could only see stars for a few moments. When his eyes tried to refocus, they couldn’t, and Jared realized his glasses had flown off his face.

“ _Jared_!” Evan sobbed at the same time Mrs. Murphy managed to get out, “ _Larry_!”

“You little piece of shit!” Mr. Murphy seethed, grabbing Jared again and throwing him off the hood of the Murphys’ car and into Evan. The pair toppled to the ground.

The piercing wail of a police siren broke through Jared’s skull, and Evan was burying his face in Jared’s shoulder.

“IF YOU TOUCH HIM AGAIN, YOU’RE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME?! _DEAD_!” Jared screamed as the cops dragged Mr. Murphy away. He sat up carefully as Evan sobbed into his shirt, and Jared buried his face in Evan’s hair.

“What the hell was that?!” Zoe Murphy’s voice exclaimed. Jared felt Evan go tense in his arms. “Why are you three trying to ruin my family?!”

Evan starts shaking so badly Jared is worried he’ll start breaking--mentally and physically. Jared had had enough of the Murphys’ bullshit for a lifetime.

“Fuck off, Zoe!” he yelled when he felt Evan’s breathing hitched. Zoe looked ready to blow a fuse, but her mother grabbed her arm and took her to the police officer that was waiting for them. Jared took a shuddering breath, screwing his eyes shut. “Shh, Ev, I’ve got you, I’ve got you. It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys deserve this <3

**Acorn:** Are you okay?

 **Acorn:** Are we okay?

 **Weed Boy:** i. hate. my. family.

 **Acorn:** Are you okay? Where are you?

 **Weed Boy:** im fine, im fine, im in my hospital room

 **Weed Boy:** is.. is jared ok?

 **Acorn:** Okay, that’s all that matters, is that you’re okay.

 **Acorn:** Yes, Jared is okay, well not okay, none of us are really okay, but we’re not hurt or anything.

 **Acorn:** Jared broke his glasses.

 **Weed Boy:** oh god you guys

 **Weed Boy:** i never meant for you to get involved with this

 **Acorn:** They won’t let us back into the hospital.

 **Acorn:** We need to see you, I need to see you…

 **Acorn:** No, Connor, it isn’t your fault, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault.

 **Weed Boy:** yes it is! if i had just been a normal fucking kid like my dad wanted none of this would have ever happened! if i had just died the first time i tried in seventh grade this would have never happened! IF I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN THIS WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED

 **Acorn:** Connor, you need to know that this isn’t your fault. It’s not your fault you’re like this, Connor, I know how it feels to not want to have been born, trust me.

 **Acorn:** But it is NOT your fault, okay?

 **Acorn:** I don’t want you to die.

 **Acorn:** We love you, Connor, I love you, you need to know you are fine, and okay, and it’s not your fault.

 **Weed Boy:** i..

Connor didn’t know how to respond.

 **Weed Boy:** is jared with you?

 **Acorn:** Yes but he can’t see anything.

 **Weed Boy:** i..

 **Weed Boy:** i love you guys too

 **Weed Boy:** make sure jared knows that ev

 **Acorn:** I will, I promise.

 **Acorn:** Hey Connor,

 **Acorn:** I can see your window.

 **Weed Boy:** i think i see you guys

 **Acorn:** I’m waving

 **Weed Boy:** heh, yeah

 **Weed Boy:** i see you

 **Acorn:** I see you too.

 **Acorn:** It’ll be okay.

 **Weed Boy:** god i hope so ev

 **Acorn:** It will. I promise.

 **Weed Boy:** thank you

 **Weed Boy:** thank you so much

 **Acorn:** You’re welcome. Thank you for staying with us, Connor.

 **Weed Boy:** i think im glad i did

 **Acorn:** That’s good, that’s great.

 **OK Freak:** i found my glasses

 **OK Freak:** theyre all cracked oh god

 **Acorn:** can you see enough?

 **OK Freak:** heh i guess waving through a window doesnt really help, connor… im tryin tho

 **Weed Boy:** let me pay for you to get new ones jared

 **Weed Boy:** please

 **Weed Boy:** its the least i can do

 **OK Freak:** no

 **Weed Boy:** yes

 **OK Freak:** its fine

 **Weed Boy:** jar..

 **OK Freak:** why

 **OK Freak:** i have the money its fine its my fault anyway

 **OK Freak:** i was stupid

 **Weed Boy:** please no its not your fault jar i just..

 **OK Freak:** acorn where are you

 **OK Freak:** i can barely see my keyboard and there are too many cars to see are you in my car

 **OK Freak:** yeah connor?

 **Acorn:** I went and talked to the front desk to see if they would let you in too, and they said no, I’m so sorry, Jared, I tried…

 **Weed Boy:** i just need to feel like im doing something useful right now guys

“Miss Porter?” Connor asked his nurse tentatively, still slightly drowsy from the sedative they had used to calm him down. She looked at him. “Can you go let Evan and Jared in?”

Miss Porter smiled lightly at him. “Of course, Connor.”

She left the room.

 **Weed Boy:** ev its ok

 **Weed Boy:** i talked to my nurse she’ll let you in

 **Acorn:** Connor, you need to rest so they’ll release you, that’s all you need to do.

 **Acorn:** Oh…

 **Acorn:** Jared too?

 **Weed Boy:** yeah both of you

 **Acorn:** Okay, we’ll come up there.

A few minutes later, Jared and Evan were sprinting into Connor’s room. Evan rushed to engulf Connor in a hug. None of them said anything, not a word, just hugged and enjoyed each other’s presence.

Jared laid at the end of Connor’s bed, playing with the edge of the blanket. Connor wrapped his arms around Evan’s shoulders, taking a deep breath.

“I’m so glad I have you two,” he mumbled. Evan nodded, and Jared looked up. “Jared, why are you staring at me like that?”

“Nothing, it’s just…” Jared swallowed. “You’re beautiful.”

Connor blinked. “What?”

Then Jared was surging forward, and his lips were Connor’s. Connor froze, and Evan tensed, but before either of them could do anything, Jared pulled back.

“Shit--shit, sorry, I’m sorry--shit--I shouldn’t have--god.” Jared yanked at his hair. Connor grabbed Jared’s wrists.

“Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself,” he said calmly, even though on the inside he was a jittery mess.

“J-Jared, you… you like Connor?” Evan asked.

“I do--I do, I love him, I love him so much, but I love you too, Evan, I love both of you so goddamn much, and I don’t know what to do with myself,” Jared rambled. It was quiet for a while.

“I love you guys too.” Evan broke the silence, and Connor marvelled at how confidently the sandy-haired boy said it.

“So do I.” Connor smiled softly, kissing Jared’s hair and stroking Evan’s cheek.

“You… you do?” Jared asked cautiously. Evan and Connor nodded.

“Yeah,” Evan voiced. He grabbed Jared’s hand, and Jared took Connor’s, and Connor took Evan’s other.

Yeah. This was definitely _right_.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID SOMEBODY SAY MORE ANGST?

**_Evan’s POV_ **

Evan smoothed out the front of his shirt, grabbing his bag and slipping on his shoes. His cell phone dinged as he went to pick it up.

 **Weed Boy:** hey guys guess what

_Evan Hansen has logged on_

**Acorn:** What?

_Jared Kleinman has logged on_

**Weed Boy:** im coming to school today

 **OK Freak:** sCREEEEEEE

 **Acorn:** Really? That’s great!

Evan grinned, playing with the hem of his shirt.

 **OK Freak:** ASDFGHJKL

 **Acorn:** I’m proud of you Connor! But you missed a lot.

 **Weed Boy:** im sure you two can get me caught up in no time

 **Weed Boy:** youre both nerds right

 **OK Freak:** fuck you murphy

 **OK Freak:** i love you

 **OK Freak:** but no i am a GEEK

 **OK Freak:** there is a difference

 **Acorn:** I mean I wouldn't call myself a nerd I guess I don't really know what I am my interests are really diverse and I don't take interest in a lot…

 **Weed Boy:** ev calm down its ok i was kidding

 **OK Freak:** you sound like me “i was kidding”

 **Weed Boy:** shut up kleinman

 **OK Freak:** MAKE ME HOT STUFF

Evan shook his head, smiling fondly. He opened the box on his nightstand that held his meds, swallowing two pills.

 **Acorn:** I love you guys.

 **Weed Boy:** i love you too ev

 **OK Freak:** gayyyyy

 **OK Freak:** but yeah i love you too

 **Acorn:** I'm leaving for school now, guys, I'll see you when I'm there.

 **Weed Boy:** see you babe

 **OK Freak:** bye acorn

Evan shut off his phone, and he knew he was grinning like an idiot as he made his way downstairs.

“Evan, sweetie, are you okay with taking the bus this morning?” his mom asked. “I just got called into work on an emergency.”

Evan’s good mood wavered, but he nodded. “O-Oh, yeah, I’ll be fine.”

Ms. Hansen smiled, kissing Evan’s forehead. “Have a nice day at school, sweetie. And don’t forget to write a letter!”

Evan nodded as she walked out the front door.

-

When lunch rolled around, Connor greeted Evan with a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, babe,” he said with a small smile, sitting down at a lunch table. Evan sat down next to him.

“H-Hey, Conn.” Evan blushed lightly, opening his lunchbox. Jared suddenly ran up behind them and latched onto Connor.

“WHAT’S UP ACTUAL, LITERAL, HOMOS?” He shook his head, smiling. “So glad I can actually say that now.”

He stood behind Evan, resting his chin on top of the latter’s head.

“Oh, also,” Jared said, intertwining his fingers with Evan’s, “I have something to tell you guys.”

“Yeah?” Connor replied, voice seemingly disinterested. Evan looked up at Jared.

“Hey, if I’m going to tell you guys I’m gay, you could at least act like you care.” Jared pouted. Connor stared at him.

“We already fucking knew that, Jared.”

“Well, if we’re g-gonna talk about that, I-I’m bisexual,” Evan volunteered. Connor kissed Evan’s hair.

“Wow, he gets a kiss and I get an eye

roll?” Jared raised an eyebrow. Connor laughed.

“I never rolled my eyes at you.” He grabbed Jared’s hand. “Sit.”

Jared flushed red and sat down on the other side of Evan.

“My parents agreed to let me stay at the house.” Connor picked idly at the edges of a sandwich. “But my mom is the only one who will even look at me.”

He chuckled dryly. Evan frowned, taking a hold of Connor’s hand and playing with his fingers.

“At least you’ve got somewhere t-to live?” Evan said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“I would have rather they kicked me out,” Connor admitted. “Then I wouldn’t have to feel like a monster in my own house.”

“You're not a m-monster, Connor,” Evan said. “If a-anyone’s a monster here, it’s m-me.”

Jared and Connor immediately turned their attention to the sandy-haired boy, who was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

_Oh my god, Evan, are you really going to tell them this? Is this really how you want to do this? What if they hate you? What if they tell everyone what happened?_

_They would never_ , Evan argued with himself.

“Ev, babe, what are you talking about?” Connor asked, concern shining in his eyes. Evan took a deep breath.

“You know h-how I told you I got that job as a junior park ranger at Ellison Park? Well, I-I did, that’s not a lie, but then I told y-you I tried to c-climb this 40-foot-tall o-oak tree, and I slipped, or I don’t k-know, a branch gave out underneath me, a-and then I fell? And that’s how I broke my arm?”

Jared shared an uneasy glance with Connor. “Yeah, I remember you telling us that.”

“W-well, the funny thing is, well it’s not funny, not funny at all, but the truth is I…” Evan gulped. “I didn’t fall. I- I let go.”

Evan could feel his palms start to sweat, but before he could get any other words out, he was being engulfed in a hug. Evan’s eyes widened, before he realised Connor was hugging him, and then Jared was hugging him too.

“Thank you,” Connor whispered. Evan blinked rapidly to try and stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

“F-F-For what?”

“For trusting us enough to tell us that.” Connor pulled back, smiling sadly. He pressed a kiss to Evan’s forehead. Evan managed a smile back.

“We’re here for you, Evan.” Jared squeezed the younger’s hand. “We’ll always be here for you.”

“What do we have here?” A taunting voice suddenly burst the trio’s bubble. “Looks like Fag Kleinman finally decided to admit who he really is.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOPS HAHA

**_Jared’s POV_ **

_Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!_ Jared closed his eyes and put his head in his hands.

“Go away!” he growled.

“Nah, I don't think I want to…” Simon’s eyes glinted. Simon. Of all people. _Right now_.

“What do you want with him?” Connor glared.

“I’ve been around Fag for a long time now, we’re practically childhood friends.” The darkness he held in his expression made Jared sick to his stomach.

“Yeah, uh, guys… this is Simon Xavier. He’s my neighbor,” Jared managed. His face had gone pale and his eyes were shifty. Evan took hold of Jared’s shaking hand and squeezed. Looking up at Simon with terrified courage, he said,

“W-Why don’t you leave him alone? U-Um… please…”

Simon only laughed.

“I haven't left him alone for years. See this?” He pointed to a faint scar under Jared’s eye as Jared flinched. “That was me. And in 7th grade when Fag would come in with new bruises practically everyday? Also me. I beat him up after we’d get off the bus everyday. He never defended himself, just cried and ran home!”

Simon was laughing again. Jared’s face flushed red as he put his head down. Simon messed up Jared’s hair as he flinched again.

“Leave him alone!” Evan and Connor snapped in unison. They all looked at Evan in shock as Evan stood up, getting out of his seat and standing in front of Simon. The height difference would have been hilarious, but everyone was too distracted to notice.

“What?” Simon glared down at Evan.

“Just go away…” Evan’s eyes started to fill with tears and his face started reddening, but he didn't back down.

Simon grabbed Evan’s shoulders and pushed him up against a wall.

“EVAN!” Connor shouted angrily. He leapt up and swung a punch at Simon. It was blocked, followed by Connor being practically thrown onto the adjacent table. Jared watched, terrified, shouting for everyone to _just stop_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the readers are calling, they want their hEARTS BACK


	11. Chapter 11

**_Evan’s POV_ **

Evan’s ears were ringing as he watched Connor get tossed aside like rag doll. 

“STOP, JUST STOP!” Jared shouted, and Simon rounded on him. 

“You’ll never get rid of me, Kleinman!” The bully grinned. 

“ _ That’s enough _ !” someone yelled. Evan blinked, seeing Principal Myers standing in front of them. He could see Connor sitting up, clutching at his sides. Simon had let go of Jared and was being hauled off by Coach Shields. “All of you, my office.  _ Now. _ ”

-

“Evan!” Ms. Hansen exclaimed, rushing to hug her son. “Oh, baby, are you all right?”

Evan nodded, hugging her back tightly.  _ I screwed up again, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, Mom, I screwed everything up _ . 

“That’s good, sweetie. I’m so glad you stood up for Jared, honey. You did a good job, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Evan blinked rapidly to stop his tears. 

“Thank you, Principal Myers,” he heard Mrs. Kleinman saying. Evan glanced up in time to see Jared’s parents shaking the principal’s hand. The Murphys were still nowhere to be found, and Connor sat silently in front of Evan, glaring at the ground. He was sporting a nasty black-eye, and Evan saw that his knuckles were bruised. Jared was sitting beside the long-haired boy, nervously biting his nails, a habit Evan realized he never knew Jared had. 

“Don’t do that,” Connor mumbled, taking Jared’s right hand in his left. 

“Are you boys all right?” Ms. Hansen asked them once she had pulled away from Evan. 

“I think so, Ms. Hansen.” Connor nodded. Jared shrugged. 

“I-I’m sorry, you guys,” he managed, voice wavering. Connor kissed his hair, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy. 

“You don’t have to be sorry.”

“I-It’s not your fault, Jared,” Evan agreed. Ms. Hansen smiled, squeezing Evan’s hand. 

“Jared,” Mr. Kleinman said, his voice tight, “let’s go.”

Jared jumped, obviously startled. Connor looked up, his green eyes dark. 

“Can… Can I…?” Jared shook his head. Mrs. Kleinman smiled sadly, kissing her son’s forehead. 

“I trust Heidi will take good care of you, as always.”

Ms. Hansen nodded in confirmation. “Thank you, Deborah. I will, don’t you worry.”

“We’ll talk later.” Mr. Kleinman nodded. 

“I love you, sweetheart.” Mrs. Kleinman waved goodbye. 

“Love you too,” Jared choked out. As his parents left, Ms. Hansen turned to the three bruised teens around her. 

“How about I get you boys some pizza and a rental movie, huh? You can just relax at our house.” She rubbed Evan’s arm. 

_ Thank you, thank you, thank you _ , Evan thought over and over. 

“That would be great, Ms. Hansen.” Connor nodded, carding his fingers through Jared’s hair. 

“Call me Heidi, dear.” Ms. Hansen smiled, standing up. 

-

“Acorn, since when have you seen  _ Heathers _ ?” Jared asked, cocking an eyebrow. The three of them were cuddled up on the couch together, with Jared in the middle (obviously). His head was resting on Evan’s chest because the constant pressure eased Evan’s anxiety, and Evan liked playing with the buttons on Jared’s shirt. Connor was sitting sideways on the couch, legs draped over Jared’s. 

“I-I watched it with some kids at s-summer camp,” Evan recalled. “It was really good, I liked it a-a lot.”

“It’s, like, the greatest 80’s movie of all time,” Connor inputted, taking a sip of the soda Ms. Hansen had gotten them. 

“Uh, hello, are you out of your mind? You can’t choose  _ one _ best 80’s movie!” Jared exclaimed. Connor laughed, gently shoving the other’s thigh with the heel of his foot. 

“Best  _ means _ there’s only one, Jared.”

“Clearly you’ve never seen an 80’s movie then.” Jared shook his head. “Uncultured.”

“I’m in AP English, don’t call me uncultured.”

“SHHH, THIS IS THE BEST PART.” Jared immediately sat up straighter, his head colliding with Evan’s chin. 

“Ow!” Evan winced, pulling back. Connor’s attention snapped to the youngest teen. 

“You okay?” 

Evan nodded. It hurt, sure, but Jared’s infatuation with the ending of  _ Heathers _ made up for it. 

Connor let out a small chuckle at Jared’s wonderstruck expression. Evan studied the pair, and he could feel the pride swelling up in his chest. 

They were  _ his _ to love, and he was  _ theirs _ , and it was  _ perfect _ . 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends its fluff time -jared  
> (okay but this theres this thing at my grocery store where in the dairy section theres these animatronic cows that move when the "farmer" says, "its milkin' time!" and thats the voice i read the above statement as pls help its 1 am guys)

_ Connor Murphy has logged on  _

**Weed Boy:** is one of you still awake

_ Jared Kleinman has logged on _

**OK Freak:** conn its almost 3am why are you awake

**Weed Boy:** sorry never mind

Connor sat back in his bed, squeezing his eyes shut. 

_ You’re a freak! You’re ruining this family! I wish you were dead!  _

**OK Freak:** nonono conn whats wrong talk to me

**OK Freak:** conn?

**Weed Boy:** its nothing its stupid never mind

**OK Freak:** do you wanna come over?

**Weed Boy:** yes please..

**OK Freak:** ok i’ll be right there to pick you up

**Weed Boy:** .. thanks jar

**OK Freak:** its no big deal

**OK Freak:** i care about you i wanna make sure youre safe

Connor pursed his lips as he scratched at the inside of his left wrist. 

_ Maybe if you had just killed yourself that one time five years ago, we would all be better off!  _

**Weed Boy:** i love you

**OK Freak:** i love you too

**OK Freak:** im almost there ok?

**Weed Boy:** yeah

A few minutes later, Connor was safely inside the passenger’s seat of Jared’s Chevy Impala. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled as Jared fiddled with the radio. “I’m sorry, I’m being stupid.”

“No, you aren’t, Conn.” Jared finally decided to just leave the radio off. “Do you wanna talk about what happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“Conn…” Jared sighed. 

“I got into a fight with Zoe.”

Jared glanced at Connor out of the corner of his eye. 

“It’s nothing.” Connor shook his head. Jared pursed his lips. 

_ You’re nothing but a fuck up, a complete freak! I hate you! I HATE YOU!  _

“Connor!” 

The long-haired boy jumped, eyes widening. Jared was leaning over him, shaking his arm. He looked concerned, and maybe even a little scared. 

“You are  _ not _ okay, Connor. You just blacked out in the five minutes it took to drive to my house.”

Connor shook his head, wiping at his eyes. Jared sighed again, grabbing Connor’s hands and gently pulling him out of the car. 

They stumbled through Jared’s house in the dark, finally collapsing on Jared’s bed. Jared kicked off his own shoes and unlaced Connor’s, before settling back on his pillow, not caring that they were both still in their day clothes. He wrapped his arms around Connor’s torso, the taller of the two nestled comfortably on top of Jared’s chest. The Jewish teen pulled the blanket over them both. 

“What am I going to do with you, Murphy?” 

“I’m in love with you,” Connor said instead. Jared blinked, then kissed the top of Connor’s head. 

“I’m in love with you too. Now get some sleep. We don’t need Acorn fretting over us in the morning.”

-

Connor woke up to the faint sound of running water and Jared’s stuff abandoned on the floor. 

“Jar?” he asked.

“Hm?” he heard Jared say through his toothbrush in the next room over.

“What time is it?” 

“Umm... 5:59.” The tap shut off and Jared appeared in the doorway.

“Why the hell do you wake up so early?” Connor groaned and turned over. “Can I shower?”

“Quickly. My parents don’t like a lot of commotion in the morning so I usually try to rush out of here.”

“Explains why your outfits always look like shit...” Connor said, getting up. Jared giggled quietly.

“You little shit. Now leave my room.” Jared gestured dramatically to the door. Connor groaned, throwing a pillow at Jared in the process. A tiny gasp came from him.

“How dare you disrespect your host!” He wore the pillow as a fake crown. Connor ran out laughing before Jared could get revenge. The bathroom was… really nice. Even nicer than his. It was mostly empty, modest in a nice way. Connor figured Jared had this bathroom to himself. He could smell Jared’s faint cologne coming from the counter… since when did Jared ever wear cologne? As Connor got ready, he could hear Jared singing softly from his room.

“ _ I’ll be there and you’ll be here, and that’s the deal my dear. _ ” 

Yep. It was totally Shakira. Connor stifled a laugh as he finished up and climbed back into the same clothes from yesterday. 

“Jared, I’m ready. And stop singing. You can’t pull off a hispanic accent,” Connor said, laughing.

“Fuck you!” Jared smiled. “... you could hear me?” 

“Yeah, and hark! I think Canada can too!” Connor’s laugh echoed through the hall as Jared pushed him out. “Hey, text Evan. Do you think he needs a ride?”

“Good idea,” Jared replied, taking out his phone. Connor read the texts over his shoulder. 

_ Jared Kleinman has logged on _

**OK Freak:** ev do you need a ride?

A couple minutes passed before they got a response.

_ Evan Hansen has logged on  _

**Acorn:** Actually, yes please. 

**OK Freak:** i’ll be there in like 10

**Acorn:** Thanks. What about Connor?

**OK Freak:** he’s with me already

**Acorn:** Oh, okay.

_ Jared Kleinman and Evan Hansen have logged off  _

Connor went to grab his hoodie, but found that it wasn’t hanging on the bedpost where he’d left it. He turned around to ask Jared if he’d put it somewhere else to see Jared slipping it on his own shoulders. 

“Kleinman, what the hell are you doing?” Connor raised an eyebrow. 

“What does it look like, Murphy? I’m making you less emo.”

“It’s…  _ huge _ on you.” Connor loved the way the hoodie reached to the middle of Jared’s thighs and the way the sleeves hung off his hands.  _ Cute _ . He forced down a blush. 

“Because you’re a fucking tree.” Jared snorted. “No wonder Evan loves you. He’s kinkier than we give him credit for.”

Connor shoved Jared’s shoulder, and the shorter laughed. 

“Come on, let’s go get Ev before he starts to worry.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR ATTEMPTED SUICIDE! it isn't mentioned in detail but it is mentioned!

“Why was Connor at y-your house the other night? Was he okay?” Evan asked Jared. Connor was in the kitchen making them lunch; it was a Saturday, and they were hanging out at the Hansens’ house. 

“He wouldn’t talk to me about it.” Jared sighed. “He said something about a fight with Zoe, but he wasn’t able to tell me anymore. He blacked out in the car. I’m really worried about him, Acorn. I don’t think he’s been eating well, and these fights with his family… none of it is any good for him.”

Connor pursed his lips.  _ Why do they even care? _

“We shouldn’t pressure him, he mi-might shut us out,” Evan said. “I hope he’s okay…”

Connor shook his head, trying to focus on what he was doing. 

_ I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine _ . Connor glared at the carrot he was slicing. 

_ You’re far from fine _ , that dumb voice in the back of Connor’s head taunted.  _ You’re falling apart. You’re ruining everything. You  _ always _ ruin everything _ . 

“Shut  _ up _ .” Connor slammed the knife into the cutting board. Someone muted the TV in the other room. 

“Connor?” Evan’s voice called quietly. 

“I’m fine.” Connor gritted his teeth, running a hand through his hair. 

“You sure?” Jared asked. 

“I said I’m fine,” Connor snapped, throwing the carrots into the pot of boiling water on the stove. 

_ You’re such an idiot! Stupid, stupid, stupid--  _

“Hey.” Evan was suddenly standing in front of Connor’s shaking form. “Is… is it okay if I touch you?”

Connor managed to nod. Evan placed his hand on Connor’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. 

“I love you, Connor Murphy,” Evan mumbled, pecking Connor on the lips. “Okay?”

Connor’s eyes widened. Evan frowned worriedly. “Wh-What? Did-Did I do s-something wrong?”

“No, no, Ev!” Connor tripped over his words. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. It’s just…”

“Connor Noah Murphy, don’t tell me that was your first kiss!” Jared exclaimed. Connor blushed. Jared doubled over he was laughing so hard. 

“Jared,  _ you  _ were my first kiss!” Connor retorted, but it only made Jared laughed harder. 

“You’re adorable.” Evan giggled. Connor’s face burned. 

“You are pretty cute,” Jared added with a smirk, leaning in to give Connor a kiss of his own. 

“Now can you talk to us?” Evan asked. “Please?”

Connor took a deep breath. “Yeah. Just let me…”

He shut off the burner, placing the lid on the pot. Evan and Jared sat down at the table and waited for Connor to join them. He took his place between the others, playing with the sleeves of his hoodie. 

“I got into a really bad fight with Zoe last Wednesday,” he began. “But there was some stuff before that, y’know? Besides the whole… ‘Dad got arrested’ thing. Mom bailed him out, and none of them ever came to visit me in the hospital. Then when I was released, Dad looked ready to throw me to the wolves, but Mom convinced him to let me stay. Zoe locked herself in her room; wouldn’t even look at me. Then when Wednesday rolled around…”

Connor closed his eyes, trying to block his sister’s voice from his mind. Evan squeezed his hand and Jared kissed his cheek. 

“She basically told me that I was a freak, that I was ruining our family, that she wished I was dead. Maybe… maybe if I had just succeeded in killing myself that one time in seventh grade, everything would be fine. She kept screaming that she hated me, and I just stood there and  _ cried _ like a fucking loser.” Connor laughed but there was no humor behind it. Evan hugged the taller boy, burying his face in the crook of Connor’s neck. “And the most fucked up part about that is seventh grade wasn’t even the first time I tried. It was just the first time they knew about.”

“Connor,” Evan whispered. 

“I was twelve when I tried to kill myself,” Jared admitted. Connor looked at the other, a bit startled. “I had just met Evan the year before, and everything seemed to be looking up, you know? But then I met Simon Xavier when he moved in next door. I was friends with him at first, but then one day we were outside in the snow, and I went out to make my own snow fort after we fought over who gets the land.” He laughed sadly. “Stupid, right? Anyway, after I came back, he just wouldn't look at me. I tried to apologize, but it was the first time I’ve ever heard someone I care about call me a jerk. Evan and I weren't talking for a couple weeks then too, I fucked up a lot of my relationships during that month. I totally was a jerk to everyone, and I guess not much has changed. I-I got so mad and defeated. I stormed into my kitchen and took out the biggest knife we owned. After 5 minutes of just standing there, I thought about how my mom would react when she came downstairs to her dead son. After, I just went into the bathroom and cried for a full half hour. N-No one remembered. I don't think anyone knew. Evan and I got better, obviously.” he lovingly squeezed Evan’s hand. “But Simon is a different story. T-This is the first time I’ve told anyone since…” Jared never finished his story. He just started to cry and apologized, saying this wasn't supposed to be about him. Connor shook his head, gathering Jared up in his arms. 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for anything, Jar, I love you, Evan loves you. You have just as much of a right to talking about this as anyone, okay? We’re always here for you, no matter what. Simon can kiss my ass.”

Jared managed a watery laugh, and Evan had joined the hug at some point as well, but Connor hadn’t noticed when. 

_ This is why I’m still here _ , Connor thought to himself. 


	14. Chapter 14

**_Jared’s POV_ **

Jared walked down the hall in his usual fast-paced fashion, whispers filling the silence as he tried to race past and ignored it all. This had been happening for a while since he, Connor, and Evan had become open about their relationship. But today was… different.

“Jared!” A girl in his grade caught his attention. Madeline, Madison? He couldn't remember.

“Hey,” he answered blandly.

“Is everything okay?” She seemed genuinely concerned.

“Umm, as far and I know, yes?” He checked his shirt and face. He seemed fine.

“Oh, okay. It’s just with Justin beating up-- um, your boyfriend and all I thought--”

“ _What_?” Jared shouted, alarming the girl. “Where is he?”

“Oh, um, Connor is in the nurse, and uh--”

“Thanks.” Jared sprinted in the other direction as the bell rang. As the nurse’s office came into reach, Jared swung in the doorway. “Connor?”

Jared spotted Connor curled up on a bed in the way back.

“Hey, love, what’s wrong?” Jared gently moved Connor’s hair out if his face.

“It’s nothing. I got into a fight, that’s all. You should go to class.” Connor looked back at the wall. His knuckles were busted up and he had an ice pack on his shoulder. Jared took Connor’s hand in his own.

“It's okay. I’ll skip chorus. I want to be here right now.” Jared smiled.

“Chorus? I thought you had study hall.” Connor frowned.

“Shit,” Jared muttered. “I--uh… yeah, I take chorus.”

“You sing?” Connor smirked at the idea.

“Yes, actually.” Jared seemed a bit defensive. “I--um…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I actually have a solo. With a bass.”

“Dude, what? That’s great! Why didn't you tell us?” Connor sat up, immediately wincing in pain. Jared flusteredly had him lie back down.

“It’s _The Scientist_ by Coldplay.. I start it. I’m actually really nervous.”

“When’s the concert?”

Jared was silent.

“... Jared?”

“I don't want you to hear me sing,” Jared mumbled.

“What?” Connor inquired.

“I don't want you to hear me, okay? I’m not any good.” Jared was clearly frustrated.

“Okay, chill. I know you’re fantastic.”

“You haven't even heard me.”

“Yes, I have.”

At Connor’s comment, Jared froze.

“ _What_?”

“Shakira. In your bedroom.” Connor grinned.

“That doesn't count!”

“You were so good!”

“You made fun of me!” Jared pouted.

“You were great. Please let us come.” Connor kissed Jared, winning him over (as per usual).

“Fine. Friday,” Jared said, face burning.

“Thanks.” Connor smiled softly. The nurse then came into the room, explaining how she called his parents. Connor’s face fell.

“Who answered?”

“Your mom.”

Jared and Connor both let out the breath they had been holding.

“She’d like to talk to you.” The nurse handed Connor the phone.

“Yeah?... uh-huh. He made fun of my friends--yes, I have friends… I’m okay… yeah, you too. Bye.”

The phone call was over within a minute. Jared was aggressively biting at his nails as Connor told him to stop. Putting his hands in his lap, Jared casted terrified eyes to Connor.

“Will she tell your dad?” Jared asked.

“Nah. I’m okay.” Connor tried to smile, grabbing Jared's hands. “Your hands are cold.”

“They always are.” Jared let Connor try to warm his hands for a bit before he pulled away to text Evan.

 _Jared Kleinman logged on_.

 **JareBear:** ev, are you free friday?

_Evan Hansen logged on._

**Acorn:** When am I not. Why?

Jared smirked, Evan was catching onto their sarcasm.

 **JareBear:** i have a concert. i want you and connor to come.

 **Acron:** Concert? Music concert? Like, Jazz Band or something?

 **JareBear:** well... im singing a solo.

 **Acorn:** I’ll come. I didn't know you sang.

 **JareBear:** are you okay? you seem kinda off??

 **Acorn:** I'm fine. I just had a panic attack, but I'm fine and I'm alright, don't worry about me please.

 **JareBear:** fuck where are you????

 **Acorn:** Guidance. So is my mom.

At that Jared stood up and gently tried to help Connor up.

“What? Why are we leaving?” Connor asked.

“Ev’s not okay. I don't know what happened. I don't know why we couldn't help, he _never_ asks for help. We could help him! I just don't know why he doesn't let us--”

At this point, Jared’s words were met with sobs. Connor’s eyes suddenly turned dark.

“Jared, we obviously couldn't help it because it happened, I don't know what’s up with you.”

This was answered with more sobs and a lot of shrugging. Connor grabbed Jared’s shoulders and shook him.

“Shut up!” he shouted angrily. “Evan won't calm down if he sees you like this and honestly I can't deal with you right now.”

Jared stared at Connor, stunned. He sounded just like Jared’s father. Connor must have realized this, immediately letting go and apologizing, but Jared’s tears still came. This time he was silent, but a cold look came across him. An icy laugh came from him and he looked away.

“Jar, I’m sorry, I just--”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Jared said in a cool, sarcastic tone. “You fucked up, what else is new?”

“Jared!” Connor’s eyes were those of a scared child.

“Don't fucking talk to me. If you can't deal with me right now, I _certainly_ can't deal with you.” Jared turned on his heel, and walked the way they came. He then turned his head slightly. “Tell Ev I’ll call him,” he said miserably, leaving Connor alone.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION!! Updates will now only come once a week (Monday). Sorry for the inconvenience, but due to busy schedules it's been hard to maintain a consistent time to write. Thank you and hope you all enjoy our fanfiction!! 
> 
> Sincerely, Jared.

_**Connor’s POV** _

Connor sat outside Evan’s bedroom door. Mumbling could be heard from outside. Evan’s sobs had turned silent tears as he talked to his mom. The door opened as Heidi stepped out, her purse in hand.

“See you later, honey. I’m back to work again.” She smiled softly and waved to her son. Turning to Connor, she said, “Thanks for coming home with him. I knew he couldn't stay at school today but I really needed to head back to the hospital.” Heidi smiled at him, hands on his shoulders. “Call me if you need anything, Connor.”

She started back towards the front door.

“O-Okay, Mrs. Hansen. Thanks,” he stuttered out.

“We’ve been over this, honey, call me Heidi!” she called, closing the door. Connor knocked softly on Evan’s door.

“Ev, do you want me to come in?”

“N-No thanks. I-If that’s a-all right with you.” Evan’s voice was slightly shaking. He needed some time alone.

“Okay. I’ll be in the living room.” Connor made his way to the couch and sat down. Taking the remote, he started flipping through the channels. He thought back to when he was talking to Heidi.

“Now, that’s a loving parent,” he mumbled sadly. He jumped, Evan’s ringtone sounding from the backpack on the floor. Connor muted the TV and answered the cell phone. “Hello?”

“Ev, are you alright? Is anyone home with you? I’ll come over if you need anything--”

Jared had called, as promised.

“Jare, calm down, it’s me. Evan’s fine he ju--”

“OhthankgodConnor. I felt so bad, shit, I’m so sorry…” Jared’s voice picked up speed as he attempted to apologize. He didn't sound right, like he had been crying.

“Jare, are you alright?” Connor asked softly.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” A sniff was heard. Connor paused a moment, thinking.

“Come over. I know you’re not okay.”

“It’s the middle of the school day…” Jared interjected.

“Since when has that bothered you?” Connor argued, adjusting his sleeves in frustration.

“I’ll be there in ten.”

Connor sighed in relief at Jared’s words. He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed some water. He walked over to Evan’s room.

“Hey, Ev, I have some water if you want it.”

Connor heard a quiet, “Thanks,” and he set it outside of the door. A knock sounded from the front door as Connor crossed the room. A red-faced Jared held up a bag of small chocolates.

“Um, an apology? And stuff for Ev?” He looked away and tried to hand the bag to Connor.

“Holy shit.” Connor laughed and hugged Jared. “You’re so cute.”

Jared made a noise close to a sob as he hugged Connor back.

“When did you get this? I thought you were at school?” Connor asked him, trying to make eye contact.

“Um, there’s that little gift shop place right outside of school, I mean--” Jared pushed up his glasses and tried to walk past Connor, but Connor took his shoulders.

“That’s just so fucking cute oh my god.” Connor laughed again. This was just so uncharacteristic of Jared. “Who knew you could actually be such a sap?”

“Fuck off.” Jared smirked and sat down on the couch. Connor stopped smiling and sat next to Jared.

“So, on the phone earlier--”

“Is Ev okay?” Jared interrupted. Connor knew Jared didn’t want to talk.

“He’s getting better. He was a lot more worked up before,” Connor said quietly.

“That’s good.” Jared nodded. “Can I go see him or?”

“I don’t think so. He wants to be alone for now.”

It was silent for a couple minutes before Connor got up and picked up a picture of Evan off of the coffee table.

“Holy shit, is this Evan?” Connor showed it to Jared.

“Yeah. 5th grade.” Jared laughed and pointed to the picture. “He had braces. He looked like such a nerd, Jesus Christ.”

“Says you with your glasses and awful t-shirts,” Connor teased.

“It’s my fashion choice!” Jared said, turning to Connor. “You and your emo jeans and whatnot.”

“The fact that it hasn’t changed since middle school says something though,” Evan’s voice said from the doorway.

“Hey, Ev!” Jared smiled wide at him.

“Hi.” Evan nodded slightly, sitting down on the couch next to the shorter boy.

“How are you doing?” Jared rubbed Evan’s back slightly.

“I’m okay now.” Evan nodded at them.

“Here,” Connor said, handing the bag of chocolates to Evan, “from Jared.”

“Jesus Christ…” Jared buried his face in his hands. Evan looked at him.

“What?” Evan asked. “It’s sweet! You don't have to b-be embarrassed. I-I mean, thank you.”

“It’s stupid…” Jared whined.

“It’s cute,” Connor said firmly, getting up to have Jared in between him and Evan.

“Speaking of 5th grade--” Evan started to change the subject, but was then interrupted by Jared.

“No, no, no. You’re not getting revenge for the braces thing, he could see it in the picture.”

“No, actually, I think Evan should go on.” Connor smirked, scooting closer to them.

“What should I say?” Evan raised his eyebrows, looking at Jared.

“I don't like that look…” Jared eyed Evan suspiciously.

“Should I mention he used to snort when he laughed?”

“You what?” Connor cracked up. “Oh my god, that’s adorable!”

“EVANTHAT’SLITERALLYTHEWORSTTHINGYOUCOULDTELLHIM.” Jared started to whack Evan with a couch cushion, Evan and Connor laughing hysterically.

“Oh! He also used to cry over literally everything. I was so embarrassed for him,” Evan continued, his smile growing wider with each jab. Jared was curled up in a blanket, face as red as ever.

“Can I meet this Jared? He sounds adorable.” Connor decided to join in.

“He’s dead,” Jared whined.

“Oh, c’mon.” Connor poked Jared’s side, causing him to squeak.

“Nope. Sorry. Dead. Completely and utterly dead.”

Evan giggled. “Oh! Remember your clingy phase?”

“EVANSHUTTHEFUCKUP!” Jared exclaimed frantically. Connor was in hysterics again.

“Clingy phase?”

“Yeah! He used to hug me all the time, wouldn’t let go!” Evan grinned. Jared’s face flushed darker, if that was even possible.

“Well, what about you, Connor? I’m sure you have some embarrassing childhood moments,” he snapped halfheartedly. Connor smirked.

“Sure, I do. Everyone does. But I don’t have anyone to tell you them.”

Jared groaned. Evan giggled again.

“I have more of Evan if--”

“But did you just walk up and hug him? Or was it inspired?” Connor mused.

“I’m done. Goodbye.” Jared started to leave.

“Where are you going?” Evan asked, grinning.

“Your room. It’s the only place I can hide.” Jared slammed the door. Connor gave a look to Evan.

“Can he get any weirder?”

Evan stood up, walking up to the closed door.

“Hey, you know I love you,” he offered.

“Bullshit,” Jared whined. “I wouldn't be in here if you did.”

“Jare, come on!” Evan slowly opened the door, stepping inside. Connor followed close behind, flopping down on the bed where Jared currently laid face down.

“Hey, Kleinman.”

“No.”

“I used to do ballet while my sister did baseball.”

Jared immediately sat up, and Evan sat down on the edge of the bed as well. They both stared at Connor incredulously.

“You what?” Jared demanded. Connor rubbed the back of his neck, using the hair tie around his wrist to put up his hair.

“I was really good at it, too. I didn’t quit until high school started.”

Evan giggled, but Jared was in full-on hysterics.

“I was also into gymnastics and figure skating. I kept a diary too because I wanted to be an author.”

“Why don’t you do it anymore?” Evan wondered while Jared tried to catch his breath. Connor shrugged.

“Grew out of it, I guess. I still do tap, though. Hey, Jared?”

“Yeah, Conn?” Jared was still chuckling a little.

“Your concert’s tomorrow.”

Jared's face turned bright red. Evan grinned.

“Yeah, it is!” the sandy-haired boy exclaimed.

“I think we should talk about Connor’s tap dance adventures,” Jared said.

“It can wait,” Connor replied.

“Do you still want us to go?” Evan asked. Jared was silent, his eyes moving to the quilt he was fiddling with. Connor placed his hand on Jared back.

“Hey, look at me.” He waited for Jared’s eyes to meet his. “Why is this a big deal?”

“I know it shouldn't be, I’m sorry.” Jared turned away.

“You don’t have to be sorry, when have we ever judged you?” Evan smiled softly.

“It’s stupid. I’m scared for no reason.” Jared was starting to get frustrated.

“Yeah, it’s nerves. That’s normal,” Connor said. He and Evan looked at each other, then back to Jared.

“We’ll be there the whole time, I promise. We’re already really proud of you, okay? We love you and anything you choose to do.” 

Connor smiled softly as Evan’s eyes met Jared’s with newfound beaming confidence.

“Thanks.” Jared smiled back at them, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. A moment of silence passed before Connor got up, announcing it unofficial movie night. They all moved to the couch, even as tired as they were. Evan was the first to fall asleep on Jared's shoulder, then him on Connor’s. Soon all that was left in the room was their soft breathing and the lowered volume on _The Breakfast Club_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION!! Updates will now only come once a week (Monday). Sorry for the inconvenience, but due to busy schedules it's been hard to maintain a consistent time to write. Thank you and hope you all enjoy our fanfiction!! 
> 
> Sincerely, Jared.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Jared’s POV** _

There was something about wearing his boyfriend’s tie that made confidence a bit easier to fake. Jared straightened Connor’s tie to align with his gray button-down. He pulled the sleeves down over his sweating palms as he eyed his neatly brushed back hair in the mirror. He took one last look at himself before spraying some cologne, and he was off. In the back of his parents black sedan, a tension in the air made him slightly more uneasy. His dad drove silently while his mom was too busy on her phone to pay attention.

It took only a few minutes to drive up to a school. Relieved, Jared stepped out of the car while his parents found a place to park. He arrived about 45 minutes early for warm-ups, trying desperately to spot a familiar face. Rather, Evan or Connor’s.

“Hey,” a voice spoke behind him. Jared turned around to see his fellow soloist, Henry.

“Hey.” Jared returned a smile.

“So tonight’s the concert.” Henry gestured for Jared to walk with him, awaiting his reply.

“Yeah. Good luck, I guess,” Jared stated awkwardly, stepping forward.

“You too… I guess.” Henry laughed, heading towards the doors of the chorus room. Jared sighed as a rush of A/C came to meet him. “Are you nervous?” Henry asked, grabbing two empty chairs at the front of the room.

“Who wouldn't be?” Jared sat, suddenly conscious of how many people were here.

“Just--chill, okay? It’s annoying, I know. You might hear that a lot. It’s fine, it’s just one night of your life.”

It seemed Henry wasn't just trying to convince Jared anymore, but himself as well.

“Seems pretty damn important to me.” Jared scoffed.

“It’s not, really.”

“Wow, coming from you,” Jared replied to him; Henry, who’s been worried about this for months.

“But hey, you came!” Henry perked up, trying to lift the mood.

“I said that I might,” Jared replied sarcastically, as if this were some dance rather than a concert. The tapping of the choir teacher’s clipboard on the piano silenced the room, and everyone gathered around to start warm-ups.

-

Two minutes. Jared and Henry stood at the front of the line leading into the chattering auditorium. Henry was much taller and was ahead of Jared, so it was harder for the shorter boy to see who might be sitting in the audience. Their choir teacher had planted himself in front of one of the microphones Jared would be using, welcoming everyone here tonight. They had to agonizingly sing through two songs before he could get this solo over with. Processing down the right aisle, everyone took their places on the risers. It was a small chorus, not more than 50 people all together.

Within a minute, they were started.

Jared tried to keep his focus on the score, but his mind betrayed him as he began to wonder where Connor and Evan were. It wasn't long before it was finally time.

Henry gently nudged Jared as they made their way down to the microphones waiting for them. He looked over at Jared, smiling. Jared gave him a nervous look and tried to steady his breathing as the intro began. Right as he was about to start, he spotted two smiling boys giving him thumbs up in the 5th row. The smile on his face became a genuine one as he flowed through the notes.

_Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry. You don't know how lovely you are…_

The entire time his eyes were on the only people in the room that mattered, dancing back and forth between them. Henry tried to lock eyes with Jared as his solo followed behind, but Jared's attention on him only lasted a couple seconds before he had to look into the audience again.

_Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions. Oh, let's go back to the start…_

Jared sang to the boys who seemed almost right in front of him, as if the rest of the world didn't matter. They gave him something genuine for this song to really speak to him, and that was love. He looked over at Henry one last time, who was desperate to make a connection. Clapping erupted from the audience right before they stepped back to join the chorus, but the brightest faces in the room were the two staring right at him, beaming with pride. Before he knew it, the auditorium lights flicked on and they were leaving the risers to gather in the chorus room. Jared couldn't help but try to catch a glimpse of Connor and Evan’s faces one more time. Once safely in the room, Henry turned to him.

“When you’re up there you look like a star,” he breathed out.

“Oh, I do?” Jared answered, eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“And you are.” Henry smiled. There was an awkward beat. Silence ensued before Jared quickly grabbed his coat.

“Bye, Henry.” He rushed out the doors, not stopping to answer Henry’s,

"Wait!"

Jared pushed through the crowd, watching Evan and Connor emerge from the auditorium.

“Guys!” Jared shouted, waving frantically.

“Jare!” they exclaimed in unison, running up to meet him. An embrace soon followed, as many compliments were thrown his way.

“Here.” Connor handed him flowers. “This is what people give at performances, right?”

Jared grinned, taking the flowers as Evan kissed him on the cheek.

“You sounded amazing,” the blushing boy told him.

“Couldn't take our eyes off you for a second,” Connor added.

“You sound like parents.” Jared giggled, mumbling an ‘I love you’ as they all leaned in for another embrace.

“Jared!” his father’s voice sounded stern, awaiting his son at the doors.

“I have to go,” Jared said reluctantly. “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow?”

The two boys watched nervously as Jared walked over to his parents, who didn't say a word as they led him to the car. Meanwhile, Jared only stared at the ground as he wondered what Henry possibly could have meant earlier. He climbed into the back of the car, his head resting on the glass, his eyes out on the world, and his mind wandering elsewhere.


	17. Chapter 17

Connor watched Jared walk out with his parents and turned to Evan. Each had a worried look on their faces.

“Even my parents _talk_ to me,” Connor said with a frown.

“Well, they’ve kinda always been that way,” Evan murmured.

“Is this why I’ve never met them?”

“I don't even know how our parents are friends. I think it’s a stupid work thing.” Evan’s tone became frustrated. He shook his head, gently taking Connor’s arm and leading him outside to wait for Heidi’s car to pull up.

“Is he in trouble?” Connor asked timidly.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, do his parents not like us?”

Evan gave Connor a look.

“Ohmygod. I’m calling him.” Connor took out his phone. The ringtone rang. It rang, and it rang, and it rang. Jared’s voicemail asked him to leave a message. “He’s not answering!” Connor groaned, frustrated. Heidi’s car rattled up to the sidewalk as Evan and Connor silently made their way inside.

“Is something wrong, boys?” Heidi asked, noticing their faces.

“Can you, um, d-drop us off at Jared's?” Evan asked. Connor looked at him. He hadn't stuttered in a while.

“Are you sure, hon--”

“Yes! V-Very sure. Um, please.” Evan interrupted. The car started forward as Evan leaned into Connor, eyes closed and his mind on Jared.

-

“Who is he?”

“Dad, he’s just a friend. He and Evan came to see me sing!”

Mr. Kleinman slammed his hands on the table, causing Jared to jump.

“That’s _not_ what I asked!”

“Connor Murphy,” Jared mumbled.

“Well, this Connor and Evan seemed awfully… _close_ to you,” Mr. Kleinman continued.

“You think they’re gay? You’ve never been homophobic before,” Jared shot at his parents. “You--”

“Well, we’re not, but this wasn't exactly our plan for you,” his mother interrupted.

“I’m not gay!” Jared laughed, shifting in his chair.

“Your demeanor says otherwise.” His dad’s tone was hard.

“Fuck you.” Jared started to get up when his dad grabbed his shirt collar.

“Don't you _dare_ \--”

Jared’s cellphone rang. It rang, and it rang, and it rang, each more agitating than the next. Jared let it go to voicemail. His dad’s eyes were fire, his mother’s ice.

Jared ripped free of his father’s grip and sprinted to the door, running to the one place he could feel safe now. _Evan’s house_. Winter air met his face as he ran through the streets. He reached Evan’s front door and sat up against it, not knowing whether it was sweat or tears running down his face. Probably both.

Jared checked his phone: _Six missed calls_. Two were from Connor and Evan, the rest were from his mom. A new message popped up just as he was about call Evan.

 **Dad:** Come back to this household when you’re ready to be a proper son.

“That’s not fair!” Jared cried aloud. Through sobs, he put his phone on speaker, waiting to hear a friendly voice.

“Jared?” Evan frantically answered. “We’re on our way.”

“No!” Jared shouted. “Come to your place. Please. That’s where I am.”

“What? What do you mean?” Connor’s voice replied.

“Please.” Jared’s voice broke as he hung up, leaning his head on the door and letting go of the tears he tried to hold in. A few minutes later, he heard a car pull into the driveway. Two doors slammed before the ignition was shut off and then arms were around him. Connor took Jared’s face in his hands, scared eyes meeting his.

“Fuck, did he hurt you?” Connor asked as Evan looked at his mom, gripping Jared’s hand.

“A-Almost. Jesus, I was so scared!” Jared put his face on Connor’s shoulder and squeezed Evan’s hand tighter. Evan’s arm wrapped around Jared’s shoulders as he tried to comfort the shorter boy.

“You’re safe now,” Evan whispered, all of them silent as Heidi gently took Jared by the hand and led them all inside.

“I’ll get water.” She smiled softly at Jared as he hugged her. The three made their way to the couch. Evan wrapped a blanket around Jared, sitting next to him, the two cuddling into each other. Connor stepped into the kitchen to help Heidi carry the glasses into the living room. Evan rubbed Jared’s back as he took deep breaths, Jared’s soon matching his own. When Evan looked over, his eyes were closed and his head leaned into Evan’s. He smiled, looking up at Connor. The taller boy set the water down and joined the others.

“I’ll leave this on.” She motioned to a light in the hall, leaving them for her room.

“What time is it?” Jared yawned.

“By the sound of it, time for you to go to sleep,” Connor answered.

“About 10.” Evan looked over at the clock.

“Do my parents miss me? Do you think they feel bad?” Jared’s voice was quiet. Evan and Connor exchanged looks over Jared’s head.

“Yeah. I think so,” Connor lied.

“Well fucking good,” Jared pouted. “As far as I know, they deserve it.”

Evan smiled nervously.

“Okay, well, should I stay the night as well?” Connor sighed, checking his watch.

“Please.” Jared grabbed his sleeve.

Connor smiled. “Okay, I think that clingy phase is making it’s return.”

“Oh, let it. Evan liked it anyway.” Jared scoffed.

“I mean, I had no other friends.” Evan laughed despite himself.

“Now you do.” Connor reached over Jared to kiss Evan. Jared let his head fall into Evan’s lap and Connor moved to the other side of Evan, letting him lean into his shoulder.

“I like when nights end like this,” Evan whispered softly, his voice fading as he and Jared fell asleep. Connor stayed up, scrolling mindlessly through his phone. He paused, hand hovering over Zoe’s latest Instagram post--she had gone out with Alana earlier, and had taken Connor’s car without asking. Connor couldn’t bring himself to be angry with his sister; he’d been angry for his entire life. He sighed and double-tapped his screen, before locking his phone and letting himself fall asleep against Evan.


	18. Chapter 18

**_Evan’s POV_ **

Over the next two weeks, Jared had settled in with his grandmother, the only family willing to take him after he never returned home that night. Evan had tried to convince him to live with the Hansens’, but Jared had refused, making some joke about Heidi adopting him and them becoming brothers. Although he respected his wishes, Evan was worried about Jared. He never told them what his parents said when he went back to pack his things. Jared’s always been one to keep secrets, but this was bigger and his boyfriends just wanted to feel trusted. Trying to forget the drama, Evan was sitting on cross-legged on his bed, nose buried in the book he was reading: _The Mage and the Magpie_ by Austin J. Bailey.

His phone went off on his nightstand beside him, and he picked it up.

_Jared Kleinman has logged on_

**JareBear:** gUYS

_Evan Hansen has logged on_

**Acorn:** Yeah??

_Connor Murphy has logged on_

**Ballet Boy:** what jare

 **JareBear:** I HAVE GREAT NEWS

 **Ballet Boy:** jared get on with it

 **Acorn:** I’m in suspense, Jared.

 **JareBear:** I AM GOING TO BE STAYING WITH Y’ALL FOR CHRISTMAS

 **Ballet Boy:** wait really??

 **Acorn:** That’s great!

 **Acorn:** Can I ask why?

 **JareBear:** well my parents are going to visit distant relatives i have no interest in seeing and they arent very fond of me rn anyway so they really dont care where i am

 **Ballet Boy:** what about your grandma? arent you living with her?

 **JareBear:** shes so deaf that she’ll never notice im gone

 **JareBear:** besides i got permission so

 **JareBear:** itll be fine

 **Acorn:** I’m glad you’ll be with us, though, Jared. :)

 **Ballet Boy:** still not sure if im invited to the murphy family xmas dinner

 **Ballet Boy:** but i should be available on xmas eve

 **Ballet Boy:** i gtg

 **Acorn:** Connor, I’m sure they’ll want to be with you.

 **JareBear:** screw them come hang out with us

 **JareBear:** we’re the cool kids

 **Ballet Boy:** yeah sure

 **Ballet Boy:** ttyl ily xx

 **Acorn:** I love you too, Connor.

 **JareBear:** hope to see ya ballerina

_Connor Murphy has logged off_

Evan sighed, tapping his foot. He couldn't get his mind off Connor.

 **JareBear:** acorn ya there

 **Acorn:** I’m here, sorry.

 **JareBear:** s’fine

 **JareBear:** did conn seem off to you?

 **Acorn:** Yeah, he did. I just wish his family could get over themselves.

 **JareBear:** me too ev

“Evan! Honey, could you come here a second?” Heidi’s voice called.

“Just a minute!” Evan replied.

 **Acorn:** I have to go help my mom with something. I’ll talk to you later, right?

 **JareBear:** yeah ofc acorn

 **Acorn:** I love you.

 **JareBear:** ilyt

 **JareBear:** hey can i come over later

 **Acorn:** Yeah, sure. I’ll text you.

 **JareBear:** ok thnx ev

 **Acorn:** :)

_Jared Kleinman has logged off_

_Evan Hansen has logged off_

“Yeah, Mom?” Evan walked into the kitchen. He frowned when he got a good look at his mother. She had her head in her hands, her laptop sitting open in front of her. “Mom?”

“Your father emailed me,” she finally said. Evan’s throat constricted. “He says he’s coming to see us for Christmas.”

“What?” Evan asked. “How can he--why would--what does he want with us? I think… I think he made it pretty clear when I was five that he didn’t want me or you, so… so why now?”

“I don’t know,” Heidi managed in reply. “I don’t know, Evan.”

Evan could feel the anger bubbling inside of him as he watched the tears well in Heidi’s eyes. He pushed it aside and hugged his mom. She buried her face in her son’s shoulder.

“We’ll be okay, Mom,” he mumbled, rubbing her back. “We’ll be okay.”


	19. Chapter 19

Connor sat on his bedroom floor, pouring over his English notes from the past few months.

“God fucking dammit, why do I do this to myself,” he grumbled, snatching up his copy of _Romeo and Juliet_. “Why does Mrs. Kitts do this to me?”

He was scraping together a last minute ten-page book report plus a rough draft of an essay. He knew he shouldn’t have waited so long to do it, seeing as it was due the day before Christmas break and it was assigned in November, but now Connor had only a week to finish it all.

His laptop pinged, and he glanced at the notification.

 _One private message from “JareBear”_  

Connor sighed, opening up the chat.

_Connor Murphy has logged on_

**JareBear:** conn have you talked to evan recently

 **Ballet Boy:** not since you messaged the groupchat why

 **JareBear:** he had to leave right after you and he said he would text me and he hasnt yet

 **JareBear:** its been three hours

“Three--?” Connor looked at the time. Sure enough, it was nearing midnight.

 **JareBear:** he wont answer my texts

 **Ballet Boy:** maybe something else came up?

 **Ballet Boy:** he’ll text you back eventually dont freak

 **Ballet Boy:** i have to go

 **JareBear:** nonono

 **JareBear:** come back here

 **JareBear:** what is up with you?

 **JareBear:** normally youd be busting down doors to see if ev is ok

Connor groaned, glaring at the book in front of him. He was worried about Evan, he was always worried about both of his wonderful boyfriends, but this impending due date was stressing him the fuck out.

 **Ballet Boy:** im sorry im just busy

 **Ballet Boy:** im not thinking straight

 **Ballet Boy:** and dont you dare make a gay joke about that

 **JareBear:** hehe no promises this situation can sWINg bOtH wAyS

 **JareBear:** anyway what are you even doing that takes precedent over your boyfriends

 **Ballet Boy:** it isn’t more important than you guys!

 **JareBear:** mmhmm

 **Ballet Boy:** shut up jared

 **JareBear:** youre obviously stressed out and im not going to stop bothering you about it until you tell me whats wrong

 **JareBear:** and dont just say ‘its nothing’ cuz its not

“Kleinman, you are such a pain in the ass,” Connor muttered.

 **Ballet Boy:** its just an ap english assignment about r &j

 **Ballet Boy:** its due in a week before break starts

 **Ballet Boy:** and i have nothing written

 **JareBear:** whats the assignment

 **Ballet Boy:** im supposed to write a book report thats at least ten pages long and then after that i have to come up with an essay topic and write my entire rough draft

 **JareBear:** wow

 **JareBear:** when was this assigned

 **Ballet Boy:** around thanksgiving

 **JareBear:** pfft

 **Ballet Boy:** stfu im freaking out about this

 **Ballet Boy:** my entire quarter grade is riding on this

 **JareBear:** okay ik youre stressed, and i can help.

Connor looked at his phone, confused.

 **Ballet Boy:** youre not even in ap english???

 **JareBear:** shut up i should be

 **JareBear:** anyway, im shakespeare trash mkay? ik romeo and juliet up and down.

 **Ballet Boy:**.. youre shitting me.

 **JareBear:** nope. completely serious. how much have you gotten done?

 **Ballet Boy:** is it okay if i say nothing??

 **JareBear:** i can have it done in two days. its boring here, its something for me to do.

 **Ballet Boy:** are you actually serious?

 **JareBear:** yup. as long as you promise to proofread it mr. ap english

Connor looked at all the sentences crossed out on his papers. He gathered his things, messaging Jared that he’d be over in five. His laptop clicked closed as his door

creaked open.

“Connor?” Larry stood in the doorway, a worried look on his face.

“Yeah…?” Connor’s voice trailed off, confused as to why Larry even bothered talking to him.

“Listen, uh,” Larry awkwardly sat down on Connor’s bed, “can we talk?”

Connor grunted in reply, not making eye contact.

“I know it’s been hard for all of us, adjusting to your condition, and I just wanted to say…” Larry breathed in deeply. “Despite the money we’ve had to spend, I hope it hasn't gone to waste. We love you, Connor. At least, the person we know you are. And I’ve decided that if you need more therapy, I’m willing to spend a bit if it means you getting better.”

“What?” Connor choked out.

“It’s hard to understand this. I haven't been able to find the right way to do this, and I’m sorry. I haven't been the father to you as I am to Zoe, perhaps, and I’d like to have a relationship again.” Larry looked desperate to have Connor understand, but despite all the emotions he should be feeling, only anger bubbled within him. Suddenly, regret decided to join in.

“Um, thanks. I-I need to go, but thanks… Dad.” Connor finally looked up at Larry, who then took him in a hug. It was strange, he had forgotten the scent and the warmth that used to comfort him. Connor eventually hugged him back, but he was quick to end it. Connor gathered his things and started to leave the room when his dad called his name.

“Hmm?”

“I’m proud of you, Conn, for making friends and starting to live again.” His dad smiled softly, tears in his eyes. “I missed seeing you. The boy inside of you. I can almost see a smile in your eyes again.”

“Thanks,” Connor said again, awkwardly forcing a half smile as he walked out. His mom was in the kitchen, seemingly awaiting his arrival.

“Oh, are you leaving?” she asked Connor, smiling at Larry as he crossed the room.

“Yeah.” Connor was already down the hallway, calling a quick, “I love you!”

Zoe’s head whipped around as she watched Connor shut the door. She looked at her mom, in bewilderment.

“What, Zoe?” Cynthia frowned.

“He hasn't said that to you in three years, mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter left! D:


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!! EARLY UPDATE!! READ IT WHILE ITS HOT OFF THE PRESS BITCHES -jack kelly at some point in newsies (yes its jared writing who else would it be)
> 
>  
> 
> AND WE'VE COME TO THE END! Thank you all so much for reading!

_ Evan Hansen has logged on _

**Acorn:** Hey, guys.

**Acorn:** So…

**Acorn:** My dad is coming home for Christmas. 

**Acorn:** Apparently. 

**Acorn:** So I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to come over. 

**Acorn:** And I’m really sorry, this is so stupid, I wish he would just stay out of all of our lives. 

**Acorn:** But…

**Acorn:** It’s whatever. I guess. 

**Acorn:** I’ll talk to you guys in the morning. 

**Acorn:** I love you.

_ Evan Hansen has logged off _

-

_ Connor Murphy has logged on  _

**Ballet Boy:** so i guess my dad is accepting me now?

**Ballet Boy:** im just really confused

**Ballet Boy:** this is a lot to take in

**Ballet Boy:** but i think im willing to give him another chance?

**Ballet Boy:** idk

**Ballet Boy:** its late maybe im just sleep deprived

**Ballet Boy:** night xx

_ Connor Murphy has logged off  _

-

_ Evan Hansen has logged on  _

**Acorn:** My dad just emailed and he isn’t coming after all?

**Acorn:** He’s less consistent than my anxiety. 

**Acorn:** Haha. 

_ Evan Hansen has logged off  _

-

_ Jared Kleinman has logged on  _

**JareBear:** looks like my parents are getting prosecuted

**JareBear:** child neglect or whatever

**JareBear:** guess we really are getting a happily ever after

**JareBear:** or something

_ Jared Kleinman has logged off  _

-

_ Connor Murphy has logged on _

_ Jared Kleinman has logged on  _

_ Evan Hansen has logged on  _

**Ballet Boy:** so 

**JareBear:** what now?

**Acorn:** Do you guys wanna come over?

**Acorn:** My mom ordered pizza. 

**JareBear:** hell yeah

**Ballet Boy:** who can say no to pizza

**JareBear:** tell mama hansen we’re on our way

**Acorn:** :)

**Ballet Boy:** i love you guys

**Acorn:** I love you too. 

**JareBear:** s a p s

**JareBear:** but im one too afdskjlkjl

**Ballet Boy:** jared

**JareBear:** hmm?

**Acorn:** Shut up.

 

**_FIN._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dw we have a sequel planned! keep an eye out for it!


End file.
